Scott Agnew - Oh Hello!

Fraser and I went to see Scott Agnew’s one man show Oh Hello at Blackfriars last night. We’ve championed Scott’s blog on here before. He no longer updates it as he discovered his Mum was reading it.

The show, much like his blog, was full of the rough and tumble of homosexual activity*. Which one gentleman sitting behind me was having trouble dealing with.

There were plenty of highlights such as the day he came out to his Mum.

“First you tell me you’re gay, now all of a sudden you’ve got a boyfriend!”

Explaining to his granny what a F***Buddy was.

Buying Viagra off an old tramp on her way for a court appearance in London.

His Dad leaving the family by running off with the Undertaker who buried his own Dad. "Aye, it's been a tough time for me. You've got nice tits by the way."

Him being caught by the taxi driving husband of said undertaker by climbing into his cab when the pair of them were on a night out. "What are you doing out with my wife?"

But the best bit especially for Fraser was the bit about the Rangers supporter on Gaydar who advertises for a Celtic supporter for C*** S***


The big man did seem a wee bit disorganised due to the snow potentially putting the kibosh on the gig. However he had plenty of funny stories and anecdotes to go round.

He's an accomplished comic with a good ear and eye for a funny situation and has a perfect grasp of language to put it over.

We both heartily recommend going to see him whenever he’s playing a comedy club near you.

* TED: Not that there's anything with that type of, em, thing.

CHARLES: I thought the Catholic church thought that that type of thing was inherently wrong.

TED: Ah yes, it does. The whole gay thing... I suppose it's a bit of a puzzle to us all. It must be fun though. Um, not the you know, but uh, the nightclubs and uh, the whole rough and tumble of homosexual activity. You know, having boyfriends when you're a man... Anyway, don't mind what the church thinks, it used to think the earth was flat. It's like, you know, sometimes the Pope says things he doesn't really mean, you know? We all get things wrong, even the Pope.

CHARLES: Em, what about papal infallibility.

TED: Yes. Is it for everything, the infallibility, do you know?

Snow

I had no real trouble getting home through the snow on Saturday night. Unlike Ronnie who had to be picked up by a rich man in a BMW.

Below, for the interest of no one, are some photographs from outside my flat on Sunday morning.

Here is a slideshow of Glasgow snow photographs from Flickr.

He's Usually More Intense

On Saturday morning, without letting my hangover settle I went to a playwriting workshop at the Citizen’s Theatre. It was organised into two parts. The first was taken by Peter Arnott. He deconstructed a play into its base elements such as conflict, moments and character. On taking suggestions he built the basis of a play. Starting with a place and adding people and situations.

Like a lot of these things that you go to there was a stand out in the audience. This time a brilliant old guy. He kept suggesting the exact thing that had already been taken on as a suggestion one moment before.

“What if the workers staged a sit-in?”
“Okay that’s good. A sit-in I’ll write that.”
“Whit if they aw hud a sit-in?”

“Angie should fall in love with one of the other workers”
“Okay they declare their love”
“The lassie should faw in love wi’ somebody”

Etcetera.

The next workshop was taken by John Clifford, the Eddie Izzard of Scottish theatre. It was much different as he brought us all from our seats onto the stage and began a movement workshop. It was all about space and thought and movement and how this can inform your writing.

After a bit of that he made us all sit down ain a circle and we did breathing exercises. He then asked everyone to speak about themselves for a bit, as one of his main points was that everyone is equal and what everyone has to say or write about is relevant. This was interesting as there was a diverse range of people in the room. The old guy of previous was interesting to listen to, though to be fair he did seem pretty bitter.

After that Tommy and I headed out to Edinburgh to visit with Iain AKA One Neck and Paul from the first You Owe Me Glue show.

On our return to Glasgow we went to the 13th Note to see our mate Drew perform under his guise of Wounded Knee. The gig had been listed in The Guardian’s Guide magazine as pick of the week.

I missed the name of the first band on. Their set consisted of a 20 minute dirge that only approached music right at the end.

Next on were Usurper. Iain had warned us all about Usurper. They consisted of two guys with boards of wood. They moved things around on their boards of wood. One of them pulling the tape out of an audio cassette for around five minutes. If they were a comedy act they may have been funny. However I don’t think there’s any niche that Usurper would fit comfortably into.

The audience didn’t really seem to be taking them seriously. Tommy heard someone shout at one point ‘I love this one’. Again they played one continuous ‘set’. You have to wonder what the thought process was for these two guys starting this act and then thinking, ‘you know what? I think this will go down a storm in music venues’.

Next up was Drew. The Wounded Knee set was also one continuous twenty minute piece. A set he dedicated to Garry O’Connor. He played a harmonica and used loops, reverb and effect pedals. Different from everyone else’s set Drew actually sang. His voice is pretty good when it’s not lost in the feedback of his effects.

He never asked me what I thought of it, just thanked me for coming, as I expect that he just assumed I wouldn’t have liked it. I did like it though. I would have preferred if it wasn’t all in one big chunk and I would have liked to hear him sing more but it was good.

Now we get to the headliner – Kylie Minoise. Tommy said “I’m just going to stay for the first 5 minutes of this guy and then head off”. To which Drew replied “He’s just doing a short set. He won’t be on for any longer than 2 minutes”.

Kylie attached some stuff to his person, mikes or sound stuff or something. He then began shouting and throwing himself about. He attacked the speakers and ran at the crowd, returning to the stage to throw himself to the floor holding his head like he was David Berkowitz. He had another go at charging the crowd before hurtling himself onto the stage once more and breaking some stuff.

The end of the set after no more than 2 minutes, this of course met with rapturous applause. Drew turned to us and said “Hmm, he’s usually more intense than that”.

Then the snow started.

You can hear some of WK’s songs at the MySpace site. If you're really interested Kylie has one too.

The photos below are of Usurper, then a load of Wounded Knee, then Kylie Minoise.

Jimmy Johnstone 1944 - 2006

It’s difficult to get across what a massive talent Jimmy Johnstone was, but I suppose his record pretty much speaks for itself.

A key, probably the key member of Jock Stein’s amazing Celtic side of the 60’s and early 70’s, Johnstone won 4 Scottish Cups, 5 League Cups, 9 Championships and of course the biggest prize of all, The European Cup in 1967.

He also played 23 times for his country, a ridiculously low amount for a man of his talent, but then, he was a man who often riled the stuffy officials at the SFA.

His chances of playing in the 1974 World Cup were dashed for example when a nocturnal drunken boat trip was uncovered by a furious then manager Willie Ormand.

And that’s the point I’m trying to make I suppose. As brilliant a player as he was, he was also an infectious personality, bubbly, funny and always joking around.

He was an avid advocate of the game, giving his time to visit schools and encourage kids to take up the game. He was also an intelligent football man, serving as an amusing and articulate panellist on Scotsport with Rangers legend Willie Henderson, back in the days when Scotsport was a real programme.

He must also have been one of the world’s most fouled players. A brilliant winger who had total ball control, an excellent range of passing, perfect balance, a shot on him and the ability to dribble in any direction he liked, his chief skills were actually bravery and tenacity.

In a era of much rougher play, many tried to literally kick him off the pitch; few achieved it.

Manager Jock Stein reckoned he was “…better than Stanley Matthews”. Certainly comparing him with any modern day player would show his counterpart in a less than flattering light.

Celtic fans voted “Jinky” their greatest ever player in 2002.

He played a total of 515 games for Celtic, scoring 130 goals and also played for San Jose, Sheffield United, Dundee, Shelbourne and Elgin before retiring.

He died today after a long battle with Motor Neurone Disease.

Top 10 Pilots and More

Here’s a post from Jumbo Dump on the top 10 most promising (US) TV pilots currently in development.

There’s quite a few promising shows there, or a number of funny people involved in making them at least.

Also from that site is a link to a Demetri Martin interview.

And a link to a no-frills guide to doing stand-up from Eugene Mirman.

Finally there’s this - Earl Hickey meets Stewie Griffin.

"Who Wrote This? One of the Three Stooges?"

On Sunday morning I caught a film about The Three Stooges that starred The Shield’s Michael Chiklis as Curly. I found it interesting although slight.

Anyway my point of this post is that Mark Evanier on News From Me has a very entertaining post about his experiences of knowing Stooge Larry Fine. He knew him in his latter years and his failing mental health seems to have caused the odd problem between them.

YOMG @ the Comedy Festival Year 2

Although, as predicted, it was sparsely attended, last night’s show went well. Those that were there seemed to enjoy it and some of them even paid in!

The new sketches went well; we were pleased with the new Wrestler Guy which was a last minute fix. The new Bertie sketch also went down a storm. My personal favourite of the newies is Fat and Stupid 2.

Everyone did their jobs well again. I think special praise goes to Alison, who could only be in the second half of the show as she could only get there in time for the interval. There were also a couple of parts that she took on late and did really well with.

Blackfriars looks much transformed, especially after the last time we played there.

There are some photographs below including some graffiti in the toilets. First from an unknown source and then from the pen of One Neck.

Showtime!

Well, it’s our first Comedy Festival show tonight and it promises to be a sparsely attended, ramshackle affair.

We haven’t sold very many tickets, don’t seem to have too many folk coming along and of course, it’s in Blackfriars, where the management have a history of making this as difficult for us as possible.

I’m going to try to just accept it’s not going to be the roaring success it was last year and not go daft about the venue problems we had the last time and see if there is some way we can just enjoy it.

We plan to sit down and re-think our approach to the whole venture after the Festival shows in any case.

So are we ready? As always, after a fashion. We haven’t had the time to really get into the performance in rehearsal in my view, but I’m sure as always, we’ll deliver a decent quality show.

Just a shame we haven’t managed to generate more interest. It always better playing to a big crowd.

Perhaps She'll Die

I thought of the nursery rhyme where the old lady eats a fly then sends several other creatures down her gullet after it. I thought that perhaps it might be a good bit to expand on for a comedy routine. I then had the thought that it was ‘a bit Richard Herring’.

I did a Google search on it to find the words. Then after discovering that nursery rhymes sites in here are blocked and classified as ‘adult’ I found that Richard Herring has indeed dissected the tale for comic effect. Have a look.

More on the Oscars

Here’s a bit on Jon Stewart’s performance at the Oscars from the blog of Ken Levine.

Ken Levine is a screenwriter who has worked on Cheers as well as numerous other shows. He also touches on the Oscars in general.

Here’s the truth: “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” is a horrible song. Maybe the worst Oscar winning song EVER. And as for not receiving their proper respect, Three 6 Mafia are the same wordsmiths that gave us such timeless gems as “Slob On My Knob”, “Pussy Got You Hooked”, and “Sippin on Sizzurp”.

His blog is pretty good with plenty of advice on comedy writing and stories about working on Cheers and M*A*S*H.

Jerry Springer the Opera Glasgow Protests

Regular readers will know how much I hate the anti-Jerry Springer the Opera campaigners. So when the show came to Glasgow this week I couldn’t resist the temptation to go and hang about with them for half an hour.

It was a pretty lame protest which mainly featured pensioners singing hymns and going “It’s terrible”. I had to ask for a leaflet, which I was given rather hesitantly.

Of the photographs below the chap in discussion with the wee old guy is Stephen Green chief nutcase of Christian Voice the group that has organised the protests.

I left a bundle of You Owe Me Glue flyers beside their Anti-Springer propaganda. What we’d give for some of that hysteria.

Ivor Cutler 1923-2006

The celebrated poet and singer Ivor Cutler died yesterday. He was 83. his work certainly wasn’t to everyone’s taste, but it’s worth having a listen to him if you haven’t previously. There are some sound files at his website.

Non Controversial Oscars Shock

According to the press, John Stewart’s performance at the Oscars last night was a little hit and miss. As if it was ever going to be anything other than that.

From the reviews of Stewart’s performance, one would think that the world was braced for fireworks, as the acerbic politico fired round after round into the Bush presidency via a few jokes about George Clooney and gay cowboys. That was never going to happen.

It’s a middle of the road gig, usually taken by a guy on his way to the middle if not already occupying that very space. It’s a Billy Crystal gig, not one for Doug Stanhope, or as it proved last year, Chris Rock.

Stewart did make a few fairly controversial remarks, mainly about the Democratic Party which at least show that he wasn’t playing entirely to the gallery. He could have gone for big anti-Bush laughs and didn’t, which at least shows an integrity of sorts.

As for the awards themselves, I’m gutted I never got the chance to see a very surprising set of results come in live.

Thanks to Sky, Oscar coverage in the UK now means an hour with Johnathan Ross the day after the event.

So, instead of an exciting, fun all-nighter with some mates getting pissed and watching the results come in live, I’ll be watching an hour long bore fest where I know everything I want to know already. A damn shame.

That Murdoch fud has added yet another instance to his list of things he’ll eventually be asked to answer for.

Random Links

I’ll group all these wee things together. There’s an interview with Capote star Philip Seymour Hoffman in today’s Metro.

John Rogers is a freelance TV writer. His blog is documenting his passage through pitch and beyond for an episode of a TV show. It gives some good insight into the inner workings of TV writing.

This is a feature on the acting coaches, screenwriting gurus and agents behind Sunday’s Oscar nominees.

Politics now. Footage of President Bush being briefed about Hurricane Katrina has been leaked. Apparently the President didn’t ask a single question during the briefing and this is worrying some people.

Do we Have Good News?

It seems to be all rumour at the moment, but the New York Post is reporting that Showtime have picked up Arrested Development for 26 episodes.

No word officially and it's still on dependent on Mitchell Hurwitz wanting to continue, but it's a good sign.

Friday Photos

Here are some photographs from Friday night's, let's just say it, debacle.

The first lot are from the lead up to the show. Then there's a wee batch from the 13th Note at 'the aftershow'.

Then there's the post aftershow at Barfly.

Peter Osgood 1947-2006

Former Chelsea and Southampton footballer Peter Osgood has died at the age of 59. A striker who nowadays would have a lot more than just the 4 caps he earned for England, Osgood won the FA Cup with both Chelsea and Southampton. He also lifted the Cup Winners' Cup with the London side.

"Isn't it Tragic When Boyish Guys go Gray"

Here's a quite exhaustive transcript of the recent Kids in the Hall show in LA. Here's a bit from one of the funnier ones.

Scott, waiting for a train, struck up a conversation with Dave.

"Don't I know you?"

Dave said he doesn't think so, no.

"Sure, haven't you been on TV?"
"Well, yes, I have."
"Sure, you're that guy! (giggling) I can tell by the way you reacted, that's exactly how that guy would react. You know, I always wondered what what would happen if I met you."
"Oh yeah, is this how you pictured it going?"
"No, not really. Say, is that your real hair, or is it a wig?"
"It's my hair."
"Gee, isn't it tragic when boyish guys go gray. What I mean to say is, congratulations on all your recent success."
"Well, thank you."
"I hope this doesn't offend you, but I always wanted to kill you. You see Mr. Foley, I always blamed you for NewsRadio getting canceled. But eventually, I realized, it wasn't your fault. It was Phil Hartman's fault for getting killed."
"What are you talking about?"
"Aren't you Dave Foley, deadpan master?"
"No."
"From the Kids in the Hall?"
"No, I've never heard of them. I'm Bob Curr."
"Bob Curr?"
"Bob Curr. The Westside Strangler?"
"I've never heard of you."
"Don't you get CNN?"
"Well sure, but-"
"I dispatched 18 young women with my silk scarf here. I've been on TV a lot."
"Well will you give me an autograph then?"
"Sure. Who should I make it out to?"
"Make it out to Raquel Welch. She's a close personal friend of mine." (Note: on Thursday night Scott said "Make it out to me").

Scott looks for the oncoming train, and apologizes.

"I'm sorry I mistook you for Dave Foley, but you really look a lot like him."
"Oh, it's no trouble, because I am Dave Foley motherfucker!"

As Dave said the last line he choked Scott with his scarf and dragged him off stage.