On Monday, the last day of the festival, Jo and I went through. I would recommend going thru for the last day, as although a lot of the shows were finished, The Underbelly and the Pod Deco were dismantling their venues when we went past, for instance, there’s less competition for tickets for what is on and the streets and venues aren’t as packed.
We first of all saw Thom Pain (Based on Nothing) at the Pleasance, which had been a 5 star sell out show all Festival. And it turned out to be one of my highlights. A monologue in a tight studio theatre, delivered by James Urbaniak star of Henry Fool and the man who played Robert Crumb in American Splendor. He totally grabbed the audience by the balls, the interaction was better than most stand-up comedians. An audience member left and Urbaniak chased after him, commenting on his exit. We weren’t sure if it was scripted or not (it was) though what definitely wasn’t, was the Edinburgh native, who remarked ‘Ees left ees bag, as well.’
It was partly a comic performance that had us laughing out loud and sometimes giggling nervously as he developed an unnerving feeling within us all, repeatedly asking for volunteers and then going ‘no, skip it,’ until he did bring a terrified individual out onto the stage, where he stood for the remainder of the performance.
It was a premiere for the Festival and transfers to London this week. I was also pleased at being able to buy the text on the way out for a mere £2.50.
After that we moved onto The Assembly Rooms to see another critically acclaimed play, Fatboy, starring Mike McShane, best known here for Who’s Line is it Anyway.
Although there was a strong central performance from McShane, neither Jo nor I really got it. We think it was supposed to be a satire on America’s selfish greed, or even on the greed and selfishness that is inherent in all of us. The reviews seem to bear this out, but it didn’t really stick with us during the show. There was a few laughs and it must have had the highest expletive ratio of anything in the Festival.
We had a nice finish to the festival though as we went to see Adam Hills and his Go You Big Red Fire Engine 2: Judgement Day. Jo was enthralled by how nice he came across as. His show was funny and fun.
A large chunk of his show centred around Disney and their refusal to allow disabled or terminally ill children to be photographed in Disneyland. As you may be aware Hills himself has an artificial foot. Apparently Disney don’t allow this because it would ‘shatter the magic of Dinseyland’ cos they wouldn’t want kids to be aware that Mickey Mouse’s Jesus like abilities to cure the afflicted have wore off. Last I knew children didn’t think that Donald Duck was a cancer specialist. As Hills himself notes, ‘what makes them think that disabled people’s greatest wish is not to be disabled?’
His laughter with a message made a nice end to the Festival for me.
Celebs spotted today were comedian Adam Bloom, Rob Brydon giving someone directions on the Royal Mile, from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest - Owen O’Neill, playwright Ian Heggie on the bus to Glasgow and Nancy Cartwright again. She was with her two kids and as they were going into a show, she shouted her son over. “All right!” he said as he stomped toward her, as he passed our table he rolled his eyes and exclaimed “Jesus!” Must be tough to raise kids when you’re Bart Simpson.
Tuesday, 31 August 2004
Weekend Festival 1
On Saturday I made another trip thru to the Edinburgh Festival. To begin with I went to see The Musical! I’ve gigged with one of the duo involved, so thought I’d go along. It proved to be a reasonably entertaining hour. They knew when to drop gags in and the audience I was in lapped it up.
From there I went to see a show called Durang Durang, by a London based theatre company Skullduggery. They performed 5 short plays by American playwright Christopher Durang. Since I had picked this totally at random, I was pleased to discover the acting was of a really high standard and the plays themselves were quirky, yet funny. It was all over too quickly though. I could have easily taken another half hour or so.
Later I saw Richard Herring and his 12 Tasks of Hercules Terrace. What he did was, to take the twelve tasks of Hercules and attempt to emulate them in a sufficiently comedic fashion. This was his 17th year or something at the festival and he knows how to put on a tight show. It was at the controversial Pod Deco venue and I must say I found it to be a pretty good place to watch comedy. I had been there hundreds of times in its former guise as the Odeon cinema and it makes a perfect multi theatre venue.
The big event though, was Doug Stanhope at The Tron. The venue was a basement bar, not a conventional Festival venue or even a proper comedy club. Stanhope constantly gets compared to Bill Hicks and it’s easy to see why, he covers a lot of the same topics, smoking, war, the American public being hoodwinked by their government and the media and he even has a bit about Reginald Denny.
But the difference I’m commenting on here is that Hicks was a career comedian. He wanted success and big audiences – on his own terms, but he wanted it. Stanhope couldn’t give a fuck. When Bill Hicks played Glasgow in the early 90s it was at the Pavilion. I really can’t see Doug Stanhope doing that sort of tour, though he could do if wanted to. But onto the show. The audience on our night was a drunken rabble, perhaps that’s what they were like on each night of the run but it was somewhat irritating. Ten to fifteen minutes were wasted on him taking a couple of hecklers with no point apart. Fuck knows why you want to go see a cutting edge comedian only to interrupt him by shouting out pointless words and phrases.
Nicola and I were in disagreement on the way home. I thought he was good but not as good as he could have been whereas she thought he was all right, but nowhere near as funny as she thought he would have been. Some of his material I’d heard before, like people complaining that he was drunk on stage “that’s like going to a titty-bar and complaining that your lap dancer is a communist…” but that didn’t make it any less funny. Of his other stuff, although he ‘shocks’ he generally has a fucking point his wife’s abortion illustrated that, in America anyway, you can have a botched service and no one does anything about it. “I’ll tell all of my friends not to come to your abortion clinic.”
His intended use of his Mother as a suicide bomber was another highlight for me. Though he was only going to use her in order to satisfy his own petty squabbles with society, like not being able to get a breakfast muffin after 11am. I’ll definitely go back and see him should he play again, but I think with his lifestyle and career outlook, he’ll always be funny, but it’ll only be on the very rare occasions that he’ll pull off the real 5 star performances he’s obviously capable of.
Celebrity spotting for today Brendon Burns got out of a taxi just where I was eating my lunch. “Drop me where there’s a fat guy sitting on a wall eating a sandwich” I also saw funny ladies Rhona Cameron and Jenny Eclair.
From there I went to see a show called Durang Durang, by a London based theatre company Skullduggery. They performed 5 short plays by American playwright Christopher Durang. Since I had picked this totally at random, I was pleased to discover the acting was of a really high standard and the plays themselves were quirky, yet funny. It was all over too quickly though. I could have easily taken another half hour or so.
Later I saw Richard Herring and his 12 Tasks of Hercules Terrace. What he did was, to take the twelve tasks of Hercules and attempt to emulate them in a sufficiently comedic fashion. This was his 17th year or something at the festival and he knows how to put on a tight show. It was at the controversial Pod Deco venue and I must say I found it to be a pretty good place to watch comedy. I had been there hundreds of times in its former guise as the Odeon cinema and it makes a perfect multi theatre venue.
The big event though, was Doug Stanhope at The Tron. The venue was a basement bar, not a conventional Festival venue or even a proper comedy club. Stanhope constantly gets compared to Bill Hicks and it’s easy to see why, he covers a lot of the same topics, smoking, war, the American public being hoodwinked by their government and the media and he even has a bit about Reginald Denny.
But the difference I’m commenting on here is that Hicks was a career comedian. He wanted success and big audiences – on his own terms, but he wanted it. Stanhope couldn’t give a fuck. When Bill Hicks played Glasgow in the early 90s it was at the Pavilion. I really can’t see Doug Stanhope doing that sort of tour, though he could do if wanted to. But onto the show. The audience on our night was a drunken rabble, perhaps that’s what they were like on each night of the run but it was somewhat irritating. Ten to fifteen minutes were wasted on him taking a couple of hecklers with no point apart. Fuck knows why you want to go see a cutting edge comedian only to interrupt him by shouting out pointless words and phrases.
Nicola and I were in disagreement on the way home. I thought he was good but not as good as he could have been whereas she thought he was all right, but nowhere near as funny as she thought he would have been. Some of his material I’d heard before, like people complaining that he was drunk on stage “that’s like going to a titty-bar and complaining that your lap dancer is a communist…” but that didn’t make it any less funny. Of his other stuff, although he ‘shocks’ he generally has a fucking point his wife’s abortion illustrated that, in America anyway, you can have a botched service and no one does anything about it. “I’ll tell all of my friends not to come to your abortion clinic.”
His intended use of his Mother as a suicide bomber was another highlight for me. Though he was only going to use her in order to satisfy his own petty squabbles with society, like not being able to get a breakfast muffin after 11am. I’ll definitely go back and see him should he play again, but I think with his lifestyle and career outlook, he’ll always be funny, but it’ll only be on the very rare occasions that he’ll pull off the real 5 star performances he’s obviously capable of.
Celebrity spotting for today Brendon Burns got out of a taxi just where I was eating my lunch. “Drop me where there’s a fat guy sitting on a wall eating a sandwich” I also saw funny ladies Rhona Cameron and Jenny Eclair.
A Good Day for Manchester Prossies
Lover of whores Wayne Rooney is set to be off to Manchester United today. After Alan Smith another badge kisser and professed lover of his former side, don’t Man United seem like the sexy big lass at school who lures boys away from their girlfriends, as soon as they’ve declared their love for them, just because she can? ‘I love you because I didn’t realise the big darling would have me.’
Good luck to Everton, if I was a Toffee I would be glad to see the back of Rooney. In the long run, what’s he done for the club? He’s not hit 30 goals a season, he’s not got them to the Cup Final, nor the Champion’s League, never scored the winner against Barcelona. He’s won a few league games for them, including one against Arsenal a couple of years ago. Big deal, eh? What he has done is secure them upwards of 22 million quid, he’s become a business commodity rather than a footballer. Fans don’t reminisce about how much money a player went for, kids don’t put posters on their wall of big money deals.
Here’s his Everton stats
League
Games: 67 (27 as a sub) Goals: 15 Yellow cards: 16 Red cards: 1
FA Cup
Games: 4 Goals: 0 Yellow cards: 2 Red cards: 0
League Cup
Games: 6 (2) Goals: 2 Yellow cards: 1 Red cards: 0
Total
Games: 77
Goals: 17
Yellows: 19
Reds: 1
So more bookings than goals then. Like I say, Evertonians should be waving him off.
Obviously I hope he fails to kick his own arse as a United player and helps them into that much coveted third spot in the Premiership.
Good luck to Everton, if I was a Toffee I would be glad to see the back of Rooney. In the long run, what’s he done for the club? He’s not hit 30 goals a season, he’s not got them to the Cup Final, nor the Champion’s League, never scored the winner against Barcelona. He’s won a few league games for them, including one against Arsenal a couple of years ago. Big deal, eh? What he has done is secure them upwards of 22 million quid, he’s become a business commodity rather than a footballer. Fans don’t reminisce about how much money a player went for, kids don’t put posters on their wall of big money deals.
Here’s his Everton stats
League
Games: 67 (27 as a sub) Goals: 15 Yellow cards: 16 Red cards: 1
FA Cup
Games: 4 Goals: 0 Yellow cards: 2 Red cards: 0
League Cup
Games: 6 (2) Goals: 2 Yellow cards: 1 Red cards: 0
Total
Games: 77
Goals: 17
Yellows: 19
Reds: 1
So more bookings than goals then. Like I say, Evertonians should be waving him off.
Obviously I hope he fails to kick his own arse as a United player and helps them into that much coveted third spot in the Premiership.
A League of Our Own
Another week in The Iomartership and Ronnie is still clinging to his lead on 92 points. With Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink posting 24 points up front and Ledley King at Spurs providing a further 18, he’s looking hard to displace.
In second 6 points behind, is the league’s First Lady, Nicola’s CSFPG FC. Erik Edman has proved a winning signing for her, bringing him in to replace Sol Campbell as she did and her midfield engine room of Lampard and Ljungberg have pulled in 45 points between them.
Neltic FC are a further two points behind, benefiting greatly from Kevin Kuranyi’s weekend hat-trick for Stuttgart. And who would have thought the Birmingham keeper would have brought in 10 points already thus far.
What’s happened to Keith? Has he been overcome by those gas fumes he thinks he smells? As he is 23 points off the pace on 69, despite being the joint leader at one stage last week. With Mourinhio and St James’ Park bringing home the bacon he’s looking to the sidelines and not the pitch for his points.
Lokomtiv Sausages are breathing down his neck on 68 with a strong midfield and front line, but not much else.
2 points further back, it’s my Serenity Now. Jay-Jay Okocha and Alan Smith are the only lads doing the business. I was still losing points for Paul Sturrock, despite him no longer being the boss of Southampton. Perhaps he’s missed a couple of signing-ons down the brew. However a bleating e-mail from me, has resolved this issue and I’m back with the measly 3 points the dud will earn me all season.
Pre-tournament favourites Big Fanny Failures are in the second from bottom position. His manager and stadium have yet to come into play though so perhaps Fizzy may start climbing the table shortly.
Staring relegation in the face is Karen’s West Bam United, 43 points behind the von brauns, despite Kuranyi’s hat-trick. However with the Spanish league just kicking off and another fortnight until Serie A comes in, our league has hardly begun.
With an international weekend coming up, this is how things will stand for a couple of weeks. However the start of a new month brings with it new transfers and everyone should be keeping a keen eye on today's transfer deadline, to see if they have to make any team changes.
In second 6 points behind, is the league’s First Lady, Nicola’s CSFPG FC. Erik Edman has proved a winning signing for her, bringing him in to replace Sol Campbell as she did and her midfield engine room of Lampard and Ljungberg have pulled in 45 points between them.
Neltic FC are a further two points behind, benefiting greatly from Kevin Kuranyi’s weekend hat-trick for Stuttgart. And who would have thought the Birmingham keeper would have brought in 10 points already thus far.
What’s happened to Keith? Has he been overcome by those gas fumes he thinks he smells? As he is 23 points off the pace on 69, despite being the joint leader at one stage last week. With Mourinhio and St James’ Park bringing home the bacon he’s looking to the sidelines and not the pitch for his points.
Lokomtiv Sausages are breathing down his neck on 68 with a strong midfield and front line, but not much else.
2 points further back, it’s my Serenity Now. Jay-Jay Okocha and Alan Smith are the only lads doing the business. I was still losing points for Paul Sturrock, despite him no longer being the boss of Southampton. Perhaps he’s missed a couple of signing-ons down the brew. However a bleating e-mail from me, has resolved this issue and I’m back with the measly 3 points the dud will earn me all season.
Pre-tournament favourites Big Fanny Failures are in the second from bottom position. His manager and stadium have yet to come into play though so perhaps Fizzy may start climbing the table shortly.
Staring relegation in the face is Karen’s West Bam United, 43 points behind the von brauns, despite Kuranyi’s hat-trick. However with the Spanish league just kicking off and another fortnight until Serie A comes in, our league has hardly begun.
With an international weekend coming up, this is how things will stand for a couple of weeks. However the start of a new month brings with it new transfers and everyone should be keeping a keen eye on today's transfer deadline, to see if they have to make any team changes.
Wednesday, 25 August 2004
Like Evil Fucker, Like Son
You may have noticed in the paper that Mark (son of Margaret) Thatcher has just been done for being behind an attempted coup in African backwater Equatorial Guinea.
So, a daft “Man Who Would Be King” meets “Wild Geese” attempt to loot an oil rich country, or an attempt to follow in his mother footsteps, following her successful tilt at ravaging an oil rich country, Britain, some 20 odd years ago?
So, a daft “Man Who Would Be King” meets “Wild Geese” attempt to loot an oil rich country, or an attempt to follow in his mother footsteps, following her successful tilt at ravaging an oil rich country, Britain, some 20 odd years ago?
Perrier Shortlist
The shortlist for the Perrier Award has been announced. The nominees are Chris Addison, Reginald D.Hunter, Epitaph, .Jackson's Way and Sarah Kendall.
The nominees for the best newcomer are Alun Cochrane, Will Hodgson, Joanna Neary and Sabotage.
The list finally features a female nominee, the first since Jenny Eclair famously won it in 1995. The chatter has been that if a lady was nominated she'd win.
It's the Big Shield in comedy terms and is now in its 24th year. It offers a £7,500 prize to a comedy cabaret act or stand-up comedian at the annual Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
The winner will be announced at midnight on Saturday.
I'm interested obviously cos it's a big thing in comedic terms, but Perrier's parent company is those fuckers Nestle. I'm not big on refusing to buy stuff in order to support the Mongolian Teepee Workers or that, as soon as you start that there's no end to it, but I do refuse to buy any Nestle products. So, for the alternative awards, why don't you head over to The Bongo Club (which is like a cross between a youth club disco and Drexl's lair from True Romance) on Sunday night for The Tap Awards. On the site you can go to a link to see what evil fuckers Nestle are, if you don't know already.
The nominees for the best newcomer are Alun Cochrane, Will Hodgson, Joanna Neary and Sabotage.
The list finally features a female nominee, the first since Jenny Eclair famously won it in 1995. The chatter has been that if a lady was nominated she'd win.
It's the Big Shield in comedy terms and is now in its 24th year. It offers a £7,500 prize to a comedy cabaret act or stand-up comedian at the annual Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
The winner will be announced at midnight on Saturday.
I'm interested obviously cos it's a big thing in comedic terms, but Perrier's parent company is those fuckers Nestle. I'm not big on refusing to buy stuff in order to support the Mongolian Teepee Workers or that, as soon as you start that there's no end to it, but I do refuse to buy any Nestle products. So, for the alternative awards, why don't you head over to The Bongo Club (which is like a cross between a youth club disco and Drexl's lair from True Romance) on Sunday night for The Tap Awards. On the site you can go to a link to see what evil fuckers Nestle are, if you don't know already.
Festival Awards
Today the Perrier Award nominations are announced, I'll have them later, but for now The Guardian have presented their awards of the festival.
Demetri Martin walks off with Best Stand-Up and Best Joke.
An educational article for me, cos despite being someone who makes them up I never knew they were called homonyms.
Demetri Martin walks off with Best Stand-Up and Best Joke.
An educational article for me, cos despite being someone who makes them up I never knew they were called homonyms.
Tuesday, 24 August 2004
The League is Under Way
Fizzy's Fantasy Football League is now in its second week and things are beginning to take shape. Out in front is Ronnie and his Von Brauns 6 points clear of Keith's Do You Smell Gas? However, it's not all plain sailing for the bearded supremo. It seems that an administrative error on the part of the website running the league, has left him with ten players. Daniel Degano was priced erronouesly at £1M. He's been removed from the scoring and Ronnie is faced with the challenge of shuffling his side, but with a lack of funds, it's proving a difficult task. Dare he sacrifice his free scoring partnership of Baros and Jimmy Floyd?
Behind the Gas boys in third, is the league's highest placed lady, Nicola's curiously named CSFPG FC. With Erik Edman pulling in a debut 7 points and Lampard and Ljungberg firing in midfield, this side, that had no male help in its building, may be hard to dislodge from the top half of the table.
My Serenity Now lads are in fourth and I've made a move in the transfer market. Ex-Rangers firebrand Genaro Gattuso makes way for the Green and Gold of Liverpool's Aussie, Harry Kewell. With me having to wait until Serie A starts before my entire defence starts scoring points, the full force of Serenity Now has yet to be realised. However my cause hasn't been helped by the removal of my Manager one Paul Sturrock, meaning that I can't score any managerial points for the rest of the season.
The mysterious Neltic FC slot in behind me on 33 points with Djibril Cisse doing the business up front and Mellberg cleaning up at the back and sticking one in the net.
Another lady is in sixth position, with Karen's West Bam United and her Fulham flavoured recipe posting no negative points, despite having a couple of Crystal Palace players and a West Brommer in her ranks. Again though, there's an Italian mix and from Spain, Real Madrid's Zidane, and with those leagues yet to start WBU should soon be climbing the table.
Lokomotiv Sausages are in the second from last slot, but David has shipped his big liability Mark Schwarzer out, having sold 7 goals in two games, so perhaps the holes have been filled. With Jay-Jay Okocha in midfield there's sure to be more points coming.
Propping up the table on 16 points 31 adrift of the leader is pre tournament favourite and Double Euro 2004 Fantasy League winner Fizzy and his aptly named Big Fanny Failures. Like Sausages he survived a scare at the weekend when Barry Ferguson was booked twice though failed to be sent off. Had that happened he'd have been looking at the loss of 6 points. That could prove vital come the season's end. With a few players on minus points the Fanny Failures will be hoping that Serie A and La Liga's kick offs will help lift them off the bottom.
Early days all told and remember it's a marathon not a sprint, and a marathon you have to finish, not pack in when you think you're going to get beat.
Behind the Gas boys in third, is the league's highest placed lady, Nicola's curiously named CSFPG FC. With Erik Edman pulling in a debut 7 points and Lampard and Ljungberg firing in midfield, this side, that had no male help in its building, may be hard to dislodge from the top half of the table.
My Serenity Now lads are in fourth and I've made a move in the transfer market. Ex-Rangers firebrand Genaro Gattuso makes way for the Green and Gold of Liverpool's Aussie, Harry Kewell. With me having to wait until Serie A starts before my entire defence starts scoring points, the full force of Serenity Now has yet to be realised. However my cause hasn't been helped by the removal of my Manager one Paul Sturrock, meaning that I can't score any managerial points for the rest of the season.
The mysterious Neltic FC slot in behind me on 33 points with Djibril Cisse doing the business up front and Mellberg cleaning up at the back and sticking one in the net.
Another lady is in sixth position, with Karen's West Bam United and her Fulham flavoured recipe posting no negative points, despite having a couple of Crystal Palace players and a West Brommer in her ranks. Again though, there's an Italian mix and from Spain, Real Madrid's Zidane, and with those leagues yet to start WBU should soon be climbing the table.
Lokomotiv Sausages are in the second from last slot, but David has shipped his big liability Mark Schwarzer out, having sold 7 goals in two games, so perhaps the holes have been filled. With Jay-Jay Okocha in midfield there's sure to be more points coming.
Propping up the table on 16 points 31 adrift of the leader is pre tournament favourite and Double Euro 2004 Fantasy League winner Fizzy and his aptly named Big Fanny Failures. Like Sausages he survived a scare at the weekend when Barry Ferguson was booked twice though failed to be sent off. Had that happened he'd have been looking at the loss of 6 points. That could prove vital come the season's end. With a few players on minus points the Fanny Failures will be hoping that Serie A and La Liga's kick offs will help lift them off the bottom.
Early days all told and remember it's a marathon not a sprint, and a marathon you have to finish, not pack in when you think you're going to get beat.
Monday, 23 August 2004
Edinburgh's 50 Best Jokes
The Independent have listed Edinburgh's 50 Best Jokes, some are good, some so-so and some not funny at all. The one that made me laugh out loud was Scott Cappuro's.
The Comedy of Hate
I've put a link to this Festival review on cos I've gigged with both acts mentioned, not that either one of the fuckers would know. What amused me was how inscensed and offended the reviewer was by the support act. When I played with him, I thought he was quite funny, though it was a one note act and I dunno how it would sustain for longer than 10 minutes. I also noted that it was something that would play well only in Glasgow or at a push Edinburgh. At the Festival of course you're playing not just to a local crowd, but to an international audience.
The Movies
At the weekend I also saw a couple of films. I saw The Village and The Bourne Supremacy. They were both really good, earning 3 solid Tom Stars each.
I guessed The Village's twist with about 40 minutes to go, but that's not to say it wasn't quite a clever one. There's a couple of good bits of misdirection, including within the casting.
The Bourne Supremacy was pretty much as expected, a solid thriller that gets in about the action early on. Director Paul Greengrass has a nice touch for directing action. The fight scenes come across as more realistic than in your regular Hollywood picture. There's fights, car chases, double cross, quick witted spies, it feels very much a Cold War era thriller, with lots of running around in Moscow, Berlin and numerous other cities.
I'll be back at the flicks throughout the week. Stay tuned for more halfbaked reviews. For more and better film reviews get over to Ting.
I guessed The Village's twist with about 40 minutes to go, but that's not to say it wasn't quite a clever one. There's a couple of good bits of misdirection, including within the casting.
The Bourne Supremacy was pretty much as expected, a solid thriller that gets in about the action early on. Director Paul Greengrass has a nice touch for directing action. The fight scenes come across as more realistic than in your regular Hollywood picture. There's fights, car chases, double cross, quick witted spies, it feels very much a Cold War era thriller, with lots of running around in Moscow, Berlin and numerous other cities.
I'll be back at the flicks throughout the week. Stay tuned for more halfbaked reviews. For more and better film reviews get over to Ting.
Another Festival Visit
So the Edinburgh Festival again. On Friday night I went through to see the mercurial stand-up Daniel Kitson (his website incidentally is rubbish). A crazy night was had by all. Beforehand we went to The Barony Bar with Anna and Fiona in order to help Fiona celebrate her last day at Scottish Gas.
As for the show itself, I found it to be absolutely hysterical. He's one of the few guys who can go on stage and shoot the breeze, while being consistently funny. That's not to say that he didn’t have any scripted material, he just made it all sound that he was coming up with it all on the spot. There's too many bits to list where I was to be found pishing myself laughing. I do remember laughing heartily when he took the pish out of Nicola, for being daft enough to shout out. The guy next to us had bellowed something incoherently. When he wouldn't repeat it, Nicola weighed in with a more readily accessible translation.
"Are you his interpreter?" Kitson stuttered, "First I get an indecipherable drunken rant, then there's this RP voice."
Rather than the usual one hour Festival show, the hirsute Yorkshireman played for more than an hour and a half. He described his last minute "Fuck I have to be somewhere," dash to the venue and then claimed that his fellow comedians, taking time and care over their performances were "Pussies working for The Man...or some may say that they were professionals with a modicum of respect for their audience, but I think my point is made."
In his early shows Kitson's material centred often around his stutter, and while his audience now knows all about it, he can still command a lot of laughs on just that speech disorder.
"A-A-A-A-A-A-A-re you j-j-j-j-j-j-just laughing at my s-s-s-s-tutter?"
The scripted material centred around his broken love affair, "It broke down due to the distance and her proclivity for occasionally sleeping with other men," his inability to dance and his dislike for people in general.
All in all a cracking gig that had me in tears of laughter.
As for celeb spotting, this time I saw Ewen Bremner on Princes Street, comedian Milton Jones as he arrived for his gig at The Stand and walking along the street together, Miles Jupp from TV's Balamory and star of flop sitcom The Savages and a Crunchie advert Marcus Brigstocke. Nicola also insisted that we saw Andy Gray, Chancer from TV's oft-forgotten City Lights.
I also won tickets to see Brendon Burns though couldn't go.
Friday, 20 August 2004
So Farewell Then, Ben
It's Ben's last day here. He's off to Canada to attend The University of British Columbia, though we still have a night out with him next week.
Since he's been here he has become a Rangers fan, had burgalars rubbish his CD collection, sampled the Scottish Divorcee, threatened a Glasgow bouncer with the words 'I will make you eat shit off my shoe,' experienced lazy muggers, became accustomed to being woken up at 3am by steaming women from Ibrox screaming at the top of their drunken lungs, been ripped off by a rock star beggar, narrowly lost the Euro 2004 Fantasy League to Fizzy (and had it rubbed in his face), clued us in on New Zealand sporting achievements and inherited my DVD copy of Super Troopers.
See ye Ben - It's been 'sweet.'
Since he's been here he has become a Rangers fan, had burgalars rubbish his CD collection, sampled the Scottish Divorcee, threatened a Glasgow bouncer with the words 'I will make you eat shit off my shoe,' experienced lazy muggers, became accustomed to being woken up at 3am by steaming women from Ibrox screaming at the top of their drunken lungs, been ripped off by a rock star beggar, narrowly lost the Euro 2004 Fantasy League to Fizzy (and had it rubbed in his face), clued us in on New Zealand sporting achievements and inherited my DVD copy of Super Troopers.
See ye Ben - It's been 'sweet.'
The All Blogs
I was having a chat with Ronnie over at 160676 about the various names of New Zealand's sporting teams. Ben is the guy for this subject. As many of you know the NZ rugby side are known as The All Blacks. Apparently this name originates from a Somerset printers' error in 1905.
Most of the other NZ sporting sides take their names after the famous All Blacks. The football team are called The All Whites. For the ladies, the rugby side are known as The Black Ferns and the football team Swanz.
Onto the more amusing names now. Having recently shocked the basketball world by defeating the world champions Serbia & Montenegro, the NZ basketball side rejoice in the monkier The Tall Blacks and in the Paralympics, the New Zealand Wheelchair rugby side go by the name of The Wheel Blacks.
Here's what Ben has to say on the subject.
Have been discussing with Tom over recent weeks the names given to New Zealand national sports teams. Something that, to me isn't that weird. Mainly because I have grown up not knowing otherwise. I have a list here below, out of the ones I know. I'll add more if I can think of them. Not sure what to think of it all, in a sense, its kinda silly, but its also a good way to unify NZ's national teams.
Sport 'Nickname'
Rugby: Men’s Allblacks
Rugby: Women’s Black Ferns
Netball: Silver Ferns
Soccer: Men’s Allwhites
Basketball: Men’s Tall Blacks
Basketball: Women’s Tall Ferns
Cricket: Men’s Black Caps
Cricket: Women’s White Ferns
Softball: Men’s Black Sox
Wheel Chair Rugby Wheel Blacks
Hockey: Women’s Black Sticks
Soccer: Women’s SWANZ (?)
Ice Hockey: Ice Sticks
Softball: Women’s White Sox
Most of the other NZ sporting sides take their names after the famous All Blacks. The football team are called The All Whites. For the ladies, the rugby side are known as The Black Ferns and the football team Swanz.
Onto the more amusing names now. Having recently shocked the basketball world by defeating the world champions Serbia & Montenegro, the NZ basketball side rejoice in the monkier The Tall Blacks and in the Paralympics, the New Zealand Wheelchair rugby side go by the name of The Wheel Blacks.
Here's what Ben has to say on the subject.
Have been discussing with Tom over recent weeks the names given to New Zealand national sports teams. Something that, to me isn't that weird. Mainly because I have grown up not knowing otherwise. I have a list here below, out of the ones I know. I'll add more if I can think of them. Not sure what to think of it all, in a sense, its kinda silly, but its also a good way to unify NZ's national teams.
Sport 'Nickname'
Rugby: Men’s Allblacks
Rugby: Women’s Black Ferns
Netball: Silver Ferns
Soccer: Men’s Allwhites
Basketball: Men’s Tall Blacks
Basketball: Women’s Tall Ferns
Cricket: Men’s Black Caps
Cricket: Women’s White Ferns
Softball: Men’s Black Sox
Wheel Chair Rugby Wheel Blacks
Hockey: Women’s Black Sticks
Soccer: Women’s SWANZ (?)
Ice Hockey: Ice Sticks
Softball: Women’s White Sox
One Way Ticket
After listening to Scotland being outclassed at home by a team ranked 77th in the world (15 places below us), I, like many, decided time was up for Berti Vogts.
The Daily Record have even gone to the lengths of purchasing the Scotland manager a one way ticket back to Germany, a gag that would have been much funnier had it not already been done, by a Dutch newspaper to Dick Advoccat during Euro 2004.
Having had a couple of days to reflect, I feel that just sacking Berti would be wrong.
Due to changes at our work, myself and Tom currently find ourselves in a situation where our total incompetence is just being gradually uncovered. You may have noticed we haven’t been blogging as much. Are we being sacked? No, we are being re-trained and given more work to do and that’s what I think should happen to Berti.
Since he clearly has no idea what he is doing, he should be made to “buddy up” with someone who’s recently won something.
My suggestion? Martin O’Neil.
Berti would either learn that winning touch from the man who revived Celtic’s fortunes or he would act as he has done for Scotland, as a Jonah, bringing nothing but misfortune and disaster. Which would suit me either way.
The Daily Record have even gone to the lengths of purchasing the Scotland manager a one way ticket back to Germany, a gag that would have been much funnier had it not already been done, by a Dutch newspaper to Dick Advoccat during Euro 2004.
Having had a couple of days to reflect, I feel that just sacking Berti would be wrong.
Due to changes at our work, myself and Tom currently find ourselves in a situation where our total incompetence is just being gradually uncovered. You may have noticed we haven’t been blogging as much. Are we being sacked? No, we are being re-trained and given more work to do and that’s what I think should happen to Berti.
Since he clearly has no idea what he is doing, he should be made to “buddy up” with someone who’s recently won something.
My suggestion? Martin O’Neil.
Berti would either learn that winning touch from the man who revived Celtic’s fortunes or he would act as he has done for Scotland, as a Jonah, bringing nothing but misfortune and disaster. Which would suit me either way.
Thursday, 19 August 2004
Fat Guy Must Go
I joined one of the many slimming clubs around, last night, as I think it's maybe time I took control of my ever expanding frame. Perhaps I should document my progress with photos etc here. I probably will, if it all goes well.
Wednesday, 18 August 2004
Strach's Fest
Nicola wanted people to share their Festival experiences here, so far no one has obliged. However here is an odd summary of time spent at the Festival by Gordon Strachan.
Tuesday, 17 August 2004
More Kitson
For those of us going to see him this weekend, here's a review of a preview show Daniel Kitson did for the Festival, in Manchester.
"His Right Foot is Webbed..."
In case you want more, here's an interview with Demetri Martin from today's Independent.
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