Hello Tom,
So, you've made it another year, huh? Impressive. Well, impressive if you consider your festering stagnant life clicking over another year an accomplishment. I bet you woke up today feeling a little bit excited still, huh? Despite all your misanthropic bullshit, a little part of you - that little part that dime-store psychologists like to refer to as the "inner child" - perked up a bit. "Hey, today is my birthday!" you thought.
Well no one fucking cares. That's why this email is automated. It's completely impersonal just like every other relationship in your terrible, worthless, and now one-more-year past-it's-prime life.
So go ahead, eat your cake, play with your new iPod knockoff, try on your new fucking sweater while you add another notch on the social odometer of age that we use to validate your existence. You gonna go out and drink tonight? Shouldn't you put some of that money in savings? Fuck, you don't have many working years left, pal. The whole "Live Fast, Die Young" mentality doesn't fit into the picture so much anymore when you've got man-tits and you're putting Dr. Scholl's in your Crocs; your time to quit while you were ahead is over.
Anyhow, Happy Birthday.
Love,
Jesus Loves Doug Stanhope
Showing posts with label Birthdays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Birthdays. Show all posts
Sunday, 18 January 2009
Monday, 18 June 2007
Ronnie's Birthday Photomarathon
On Saturday Ronnie celebrated his birthday by coercing a bunch of his friends into taking part in the Photomarathon. I chose not to enter the competition, what with the ban on digital cameras and the cash entrance fee and all, but I hung around with them for the day anyway.
The photographs that they all took had to be handed in to the Photomarathon staff at the end of the evening, so although there aren’t any competition photographs to view at the moment I have put the best of my pics of the day below. More about the day over at This Place is Dead.
The photographs that they all took had to be handed in to the Photomarathon staff at the end of the evening, so although there aren’t any competition photographs to view at the moment I have put the best of my pics of the day below. More about the day over at This Place is Dead.
Monday, 11 June 2007
The Fizzy Birthday BBQ
Below are some photographs from the 2nd Annual Fizzy Birthday Barbecue. Many beef, ostrich and bean burgers were munched, much beer and wine quaffed and quite a lot of sun soaked up.
The final photograph is of the top of my street on the way home. Unconnected to the BBQ, I still though it merited inclusion here.
The final photograph is of the top of my street on the way home. Unconnected to the BBQ, I still though it merited inclusion here.
Wednesday, 28 February 2007
When Chat Shows Were King
With some money that my Mum gave me for my birthday I decided to invest in some entertainment. After some debate I plumped for The Dick Cavett Show:
Comic Legends. It’s 4 discs and 14 hours of legendary comics.
The box has such treats as hour long interviews with Groucho Marx, Bob Hope and Mel Brooks. It also includes pre-Cosby Show Bill Cosby, Lucille Ball, Jack Benny and Woody Allen.
Where else would you get to see Woody Allen take questions form the audience before rolling up his sleeves and doing push-ups? "I can’t take my shirt off. I have a pornographic tattoo on my chest. It can’t be seen on any major network."
Truman Capote appears unable to get a word in as Groucho talks incessantly. Cosby discusses race relations. Mel Brooks and film critic Rex Reed get into a lively debate with a film censor over the censor’s role in movies. Jerry Lewis discusses his fall out with Dean Martin. At the time of the show Lewis mentions his next picture, ‘The Day the Clown Cried’ a film that was infamously never released. Coincidentally in the next episode Capote talks about ‘Answered Prayers’ the novel he never finished, "Either I’ll kill it or it will kill me".
This is the kind of stuff you don’t get anywhere these days, probing questions, proper discussion and legendary performers entertaining the audience not merely fielding questions.
Cavett is a great interviewer too, a top comedian in his own right, he’s respected by all his guests, so they’re happy to open up to him.
Here’s an appreciation of Cavett by Clive James from Slate magazine.
Below is ten minutes of Cavett and Woody.
Following on from that, when I got in from last night’s gig I watched ‘The Year in Chat’ on BBC Four. This was a compilation of interviews from UK chat shows in 1973.
It was mainly made up of clips of Parkinson and Russell Harty. It featured a lot of legendary figures and some fascinating and entertaining chat.
Oliver Reed shows that he could be a charming raconteur offering anecdotes about George Bernard Shaw and impressions of Orson Welles and Michael Winner. Another famed drinker, Richard Harris provided some insights into the craft of Marlon Brando, that included an uncanny portrayal of Brando as Marc Antony.
Parkinson attempts to discover why Eartha Kitt performed in apartheid era South Africa, a line of questioning that the singer hotly objected to. Russell Harty and Malcolm McDowell get into an argument over the violence in A Clockwork Orange and Sir Matt Busby tells Parky how he ‘wanted to die’ while lying in hospital after the Munich air crash.
Some of the line of questioning was far funnier though, as Parkinson asks Liberace in all seriousness, "Why have you never married?"
Mathematician Jacob Bronowski discusses the coming to power of Hitler and the dropping of the atomic bomb as the two single worst events in the 20th Century. Jonny Speight, Kirk Douglas and Ingrid Bergman were also some of the many clips included.
Kenneth Williams was featured going on a rant to Parky about the TUC and the numerous strikes that were taking place in Britain at that time. Although the argument gets heated, at one stage Parky tells Williams he is talking ‘crap’, it never gets out of hand and Williams always manages to milk every available comedic moment.
Just like Cavett this is the kind of stuff that you don’t see on television nowadays. Not even Michael Parkinson is Parkinson anymore.
Below Dick and Woody is that heated argument between Parkinson and Kenneth Williams.
And just as a bonus after that there’s Jonathan Ross when he fronted a relevant chat show The Last Resort, speaking with Terry Gilliam around 1987.
Comic Legends. It’s 4 discs and 14 hours of legendary comics.
The box has such treats as hour long interviews with Groucho Marx, Bob Hope and Mel Brooks. It also includes pre-Cosby Show Bill Cosby, Lucille Ball, Jack Benny and Woody Allen.
Where else would you get to see Woody Allen take questions form the audience before rolling up his sleeves and doing push-ups? "I can’t take my shirt off. I have a pornographic tattoo on my chest. It can’t be seen on any major network."
Truman Capote appears unable to get a word in as Groucho talks incessantly. Cosby discusses race relations. Mel Brooks and film critic Rex Reed get into a lively debate with a film censor over the censor’s role in movies. Jerry Lewis discusses his fall out with Dean Martin. At the time of the show Lewis mentions his next picture, ‘The Day the Clown Cried’ a film that was infamously never released. Coincidentally in the next episode Capote talks about ‘Answered Prayers’ the novel he never finished, "Either I’ll kill it or it will kill me".
This is the kind of stuff you don’t get anywhere these days, probing questions, proper discussion and legendary performers entertaining the audience not merely fielding questions.
Cavett is a great interviewer too, a top comedian in his own right, he’s respected by all his guests, so they’re happy to open up to him.
Here’s an appreciation of Cavett by Clive James from Slate magazine.
Below is ten minutes of Cavett and Woody.
Following on from that, when I got in from last night’s gig I watched ‘The Year in Chat’ on BBC Four. This was a compilation of interviews from UK chat shows in 1973.
It was mainly made up of clips of Parkinson and Russell Harty. It featured a lot of legendary figures and some fascinating and entertaining chat.
Oliver Reed shows that he could be a charming raconteur offering anecdotes about George Bernard Shaw and impressions of Orson Welles and Michael Winner. Another famed drinker, Richard Harris provided some insights into the craft of Marlon Brando, that included an uncanny portrayal of Brando as Marc Antony.
Parkinson attempts to discover why Eartha Kitt performed in apartheid era South Africa, a line of questioning that the singer hotly objected to. Russell Harty and Malcolm McDowell get into an argument over the violence in A Clockwork Orange and Sir Matt Busby tells Parky how he ‘wanted to die’ while lying in hospital after the Munich air crash.
Some of the line of questioning was far funnier though, as Parkinson asks Liberace in all seriousness, "Why have you never married?"
Mathematician Jacob Bronowski discusses the coming to power of Hitler and the dropping of the atomic bomb as the two single worst events in the 20th Century. Jonny Speight, Kirk Douglas and Ingrid Bergman were also some of the many clips included.
Kenneth Williams was featured going on a rant to Parky about the TUC and the numerous strikes that were taking place in Britain at that time. Although the argument gets heated, at one stage Parky tells Williams he is talking ‘crap’, it never gets out of hand and Williams always manages to milk every available comedic moment.
Just like Cavett this is the kind of stuff that you don’t see on television nowadays. Not even Michael Parkinson is Parkinson anymore.
Below Dick and Woody is that heated argument between Parkinson and Kenneth Williams.
And just as a bonus after that there’s Jonathan Ross when he fronted a relevant chat show The Last Resort, speaking with Terry Gilliam around 1987.
Monday, 19 February 2007
Tommy's 30th Birthday Bash
Tommy was 30 last week. He had a birthday meal at Mono on Saturday, although I only went along for the drinks. I look happy about it, eh?
You can see my photographs of the occasion here.
You can see my photographs of the occasion here.
Monday, 12 February 2007
Let a Smooth Operator Take You Home
As a late birthday treat, Jo took me out for dinner last night. We went to AdLib on Hope Street and it was really good. I had the Gumbo with prawns, chicken and vegetables.
Of course I got the bus into town. At Sauchiehall Street a young bam got on decked out in the good Celtic gear. He stood in the doorway winching his bird, who stayed outside on the pavement. This continued for several moments as if she was seeing him off to war. When the driver eventually shouted “Ho are you getting on?” the young bam broke off from his embrace, paid his fare and headed for his rightful seat up the back.
As he walked there, from out of his Celtic trackie he took a full pint glass of lager obviously half-inched from Campus or some other fine establishment. As I was getting off on Union Street, our hero got out his seat and wandered down the aisle. He was followed by the sound of a pint glass rolling along the floor then smashing into bits.
As I stepped off the driver had got out of his cab to inspect the mess as the bam pled innocence.
On the way home Jo got to experience the charm of the typical Glasgow bus driver, mid fifties, grey ‘tash, gruff voice… She asked how much it was to Finnieston.
“For you darlin’ 95 pence,” the driver mumbled.
“Pardon?”
“For you sweetheart, 95p.”
“Sorry, how much?”
“A poun’.”
After she put her fare in he gave her a big wink, which perturbed her more than slightly.
Ah to be a Glesca Bus Driver.
Of course I got the bus into town. At Sauchiehall Street a young bam got on decked out in the good Celtic gear. He stood in the doorway winching his bird, who stayed outside on the pavement. This continued for several moments as if she was seeing him off to war. When the driver eventually shouted “Ho are you getting on?” the young bam broke off from his embrace, paid his fare and headed for his rightful seat up the back.
As he walked there, from out of his Celtic trackie he took a full pint glass of lager obviously half-inched from Campus or some other fine establishment. As I was getting off on Union Street, our hero got out his seat and wandered down the aisle. He was followed by the sound of a pint glass rolling along the floor then smashing into bits.
As I stepped off the driver had got out of his cab to inspect the mess as the bam pled innocence.
On the way home Jo got to experience the charm of the typical Glasgow bus driver, mid fifties, grey ‘tash, gruff voice… She asked how much it was to Finnieston.
“For you darlin’ 95 pence,” the driver mumbled.
“Pardon?”
“For you sweetheart, 95p.”
“Sorry, how much?”
“A poun’.”
After she put her fare in he gave her a big wink, which perturbed her more than slightly.
Ah to be a Glesca Bus Driver.
Thursday, 18 January 2007
Happy Birthday Mike Lieberthal
This fucker was born on the same day as me. On December 6, 2006 he signed as a free agent with the Los Angeles Dodgers. He received a $1.15 million contract, with a club option for 2008. No bad, eh? I, on the other hand, work in a dead end office job and am looking down the barrel of £17 a week to live on for the next two months. No bad, eh? It’s his birthday today. Happy birthday to him.
Also celebrating birthdays today, the 63rd anniversary of the Soviet liberation of Leningrad, are former Thompson Twin Tom Bailey, former porn actress Sharon Mitchell, singer Samantha Mumba, Benji Schwimmer dancer and cousin of Friends star David, and star of V and 21 Jump Street Jeff Yagher. Happy birthday to them all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)