Some Crazy Drumming

Rick K. and the Allnighters take on ZZ Top's 'Sharp Dressed Man'. But it's the drummer you need to keep your eye on.

Justice Colombian Style

Here's the story of Javier Florez, midfielder for Columbian football team Junior Barranquilla. In July of last year Florez shot dead a fan who heckled him for his part in a defeat.

Florez was tried for manslaughter and after agreeing to pay the victim's family 150 million pesos he received 3 years probation. On Thursday he made his return to playing for his team in the Copa Colombia.

The film below made by ESPN runs to 7 and a half minutes.

Some Funny Things in the News

There's been a lack of posts on 'Pish of late, since we're both so busy with the chatty whirlwind of Twitter, but I thought I'd try to get a few more updates on here.

Anyway this is for anyone who missed these cracking video clips this past week. The first one is the astonishingly mental video Richard Madeley put together for The Daily Politics. In it he mounts a defence of Tony Blair, making himself out to be a prize fud.

The second one is Labour MP Jim Devine's hilariously out-of-his-depth defence of his expenses claims on the Channel 4 News on Friday night. You have to think that any defence where you used the word 'Whatdoyoucallit?' more than once hasn't gone well.

After that you've got 'Pish favourite Doug Stanhope's slot from last week's Newswipe.

The whole things runs to about 16 minutes, with Devine's blabberings taking up 11 minutes.

(If you're reading this on Facebook and can't see the videos the blog post is here.)

More Classic Keano

I liked Roy Keane as a player, but it's as a manager he's been more entertaining for me. I keep hoping Ipswich get beat just to see him lose the nut with someone else in the post match interview on The Football League Show. Here he is fielding questions about Thierry Henry's handball in Wednesday night's game. It's Keano's usual uncompromising stuff, but watch out for the bit around 2.33 when someone's phone goes off.

Classic Keano

On watching The Football League Show last night I had to laugh at Roy Keane's interview. After the latest Ipswich Town loss, the BBC reporter asked Roy if he'd be staying on in the job. The look on his face was a picture. You can watch the interview yourself, by going onto the BBC site.

Michael Jackson Death - The Latest

The telly and everyone else is still at it with the Michael Jackson patter. Here's a few of the best things I've found online.

Charlie Brooker on Twitter: "All 24-hr news channels should be forced to cover NOTHING but MJ 'latest' for the next 7 years. Anchors hanging themselves on air by 2011."

Video of Flavor Flav turning up to see 'Mother Jackson' and being told to turn about and get tae. Although, he promises he'll be back later on.

No Rock and Roll Fun looks at The Sun telling their readers it's their 'job' to buy Michael Jackson records. As if anyone who gave a stuff wasn't doing that already.

They've also been running a feature they call 'It's not eulogy, it's me'. "When the famous talk of the recently dead, it's normally not about the corpse, but all about them. Madonna's claims this morning that she "can't stop crying" is designed to say nothing about Jackson's life, or his death, and everything about how empathetic Madonna would like us to think that she is."

Fred Durst pays tribute to MJ by dressing up like him.

The BBC have a video of a fan who "Lives Michael Jackson literally every day."

Ken Levine has a post on Michael Jackson - Wall to off the wall coverage. In it he includes such gems as this: 'Fans flocked to the Michael Jackson star on the Hollywood Walk-of-Fame. But it was talkshow host’s star, not Jacko’s. His star was covered by a red carpet laid down for the premiere of BRUNO. But here’s the great part: The fans were informed this was the wrong Michael Jackson but they remained and set up their shrine anyway.'

This is an article on how the internet handled the Michael Jackson search requests.

Reuters reports of Jackson's death sparking a bus brawl in Florida. Funnily enough the bus driver was at the centre of it.

This is an article on Michael Jackson's Moonwalker video game from joystiq.com.

"Besides the musical, dance and technical genius of the man, and the influence he's had on four decades of artists, Michael loved Zombies." -Anthrax's Scott Ian (via)

Richard Herring has a bit on his blog with his thoughts on the news coverage. "...But it was also entertaining to see the news channels managing to stretch this one story, which has already happened and which there were unlikely to be many significant developments into hour after hour of news."

This is an interesting article on Jackson's manager Frank Dileo from Nashville Scene.

Here's an interesting story about Michael Jackson from Drew McWeeny at HitFix.com. He tells of his days working at a video store where Michael Jackson would be a regular after hours customer.

Back to No Rock and Roll Fun who look at the towns and cities attempting to turn his death into a money spinning tourist attraction.

An 'It's not eulogy, it's me' moment that NRARF missed comes from Twitter where the musician, actor and producer Wyclef remarked, “I will not be going on TV talking about this, but my memory of Michael was when he came and saw me in the studio, I LOVE MICHAEL.” Do you think he's great? Yeah, well he thought I was great.

Michael Jackson 1958-2009

So yesterday I went down to Balloch for the day, then into town to the cinema, purely to stay away from the computer for one day. Then when I finally switch the thing on, around half ten at night, I discover the internet has gone mental.

Musicians at Glastonbury are falling over themselves to sing snatches of his songs, while comedians and anyone else online can't get the jokes out fast enough.

Uri Geller appears to see it as a resurrection of his own career, whatever the fuck it was he did that made him famous. He twice avoided the question, "When did you last speak to Michael Jackson?" on the news last night. Presumably because the answer, "About 6 or 7 years ago," would make him less relevant to TV producers wanting soundbites. He also put the phone down on the BBC saying he was too upset to talk, only to turn up on Sky News ten minutes later with his good jumper on, a camera crew firmly set up in his front room.

It's a wonder Frank Carson hasn't been on anywhere, mourning the loss and then launching into a chunk of his act.

My pal Natalie will be on Sky News at about 7 o'clock, representing Muso's Guide. She certainly can't do any worse than prize plum Craig David. The 28-year old apparently said that he never thought he'd "See Michael Jackson die in my lifetime."

For the people saying that he was killed by over rehearsing for his 50 dates in London, it should perhaps be noted that he was being trained by The Hulk.

Comic Book dot Com has 'The Top 8 Strangest Comic Book Stories About Michael Jackson'.

I had Thriller on cassette when I was about 12. There's no denying he wrote some cracking songs and will be remembered as one of music's true greats. But then he went nuts...

This is a round-up of how my favourite music blog No Rock and Roll Fun covered the story.

Twat Egged

Here's some not very good footage of Nick Griffin being egged by people who appear to be following him around like the protesters who never left Homer's side in the Homer Bad Man episode of the Simpsons. Hopefully, as the weeks progress, better footage of Nick Griffin being egged will emerge.

Why Mince When You Can Mangle?

In keeping with our recent theme of football related posts, here's Chick Young's daft blog entry about the upcoming Old Firm game. Scroll down for the hilarious comments left by ordinary punters, almost all apparently fed up with Chick's insane patter.

Wes Craven's Health and Safety

Apparently this is a real health and safety in the workplace training video. It's not for the squeamish.

Graeme Souness on TalkSport

Former Liverpool and Scotland captain Graeme Souness has hit the headlines today thanks to a bust-up at his son's Under-10s football match. The Sun ran this story telling of Souness's 'foul-mouthed rant'.

Jeff Goodwin, 46, who was watching his son Jacob, said: “This guy should know better. There were ladies in our group. He did say to them, ‘Excuse me.’

“But he told our coach, ‘If you think this is the way to teach kids to play, you’ve no f***ing chance.’

It's a bit of a non-story, perhaps not such a coincidence that this film featuring Ray Winstone has just been put up on the FA's website as part of the Respect campaign.

But far more amusing was Souness's call to his former Scotland team-mate Alan Brazil on TalkSport in order to clear the matter up. You can listen to the 6 1/2 minute call here. He's pretty angry. This was what woke me up this morning. The Souness Alarm Clock, I think you could market it.

Another Pundit Loses It

Ronnie and I discussed this on Twitter within minutes, then I stuck it up for folk to have a look at on my Facebook page. The discussions have slowly been spreading round the net. On Match of the Day 2 last night former West Ham and Charlton gaffer Alan Pardew described a piece of play by Chelsea's Michael Essien by saying "He absolutely rapes him there."

I froze when I heard it and thought, 'He didn't just say 'rapes him' did he? 'Rakes him' mibbie? But slowly it seems football fans throughout the country have been thinking the same thing. 'I didn't imagine that did I? He did say it. He did.'

It's already on his Wikipedia page, although since the content there will no doubt be amended soon I'll just quote from it here.

" * In March 2009, on Match of the Day 2 Pardew stated that Chelsea F.C. midfielder Michael Essien "absolutely rapes" Manchester City player Ched Evans during a midfield tussle, Essien has since gone AWOL since the accusation was made leading many people to believe the claims were probably true.

The BBC after terminating his contact announce that they will be replacing him on MOTD2 with Ron Atkinson."

Some folk are insisting it's just a saying, although I go to a lot of football matches and I've never heard anyone say it (and at a Clydebank game several years ago I once heard a guy loudly instruct a player that the best way to deal with an opponent would be to "Pish in his mooth.")

The guys on football programmes talk a lot of rubbish for the most part and the basic rule that will keep you coming back on these shows is just knowning not to swear on air. Or make racist remarks, or, you would imagine, not to make casual comments about rape.

I'm not making any call for him to be removed from telly. (Although since there's hunners of ex-pros out there, maybe someone else could have a crack at it) I just thought it was a ridiculous thing to have said.

I'm sure we'll hear more about it in the days to come.

With the wonders of the internet, footage was up on YouTube in about 15 minutes. (Ignore the chatter from the two guys who've filmed it, as it's frankly more offensive than Pardew, but they're not being paid to sit and talk about football on BBC 2.)

Joaquin Phoenix on The Late Show with David Letterman

Joaquin Phoenix on the Late Show with David Letterman. Phoenix has recently announced his retirement from acting and a move into hip-hop. Some people think that his performance was a stunt for the Casey Affleck directed documentary about him. Other people think he's off his head. James Gray who directed his latest film as well as a couple of others, says he's baffled by his behaviour.

More great Letterman moments at this link.

Jon Stewart Nails Bill O'Reilly

You may have seen this elsewhere but it's too good a bit of on the money comedy to not link to. Jon Stewart and The Daily Show gleefully pinpoint nutcase Fox broadcaster Bill O'Reilly's hypocrisy.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Bill O'Reilly's Right to Privacy

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Funny Political News
Joke of the Day

A Winter Wonderland

I'm surprised the plums who organised this theme park didn't get some comedians on board to provide the entertainment. It sounds just the kind of half-arsed scam that comics would end up playing.

Scotland the Mental

Another cracking story from the BBC, reporting on the kind of thing that surely only happens in Scotland.

Are You Kidding Me?

While there are encouraging signs that America's government is about to get smarter, here in the UK there are a couple of news stories to suggest that ours is just getting dafter.

The first one made me laugh out loud, the second just made me angry.

1.) The report says "in general Britain is a happy nation" with 70% expecting more positive than negative experiences.

2.) "I believe there is a demand, now, for cards - and as I go round the country I regularly have people coming up to me and saying they don't want to wait that long."

Nae Offence Wee Sachs...

How wrong can you be? Just last week I said that in the wake of the Brand/Ross fiasco, BBC talent now knew they wouldn’t be backed in the event of a complaint. But lo! The bods have been all too quick to rush to the defence of Top Gear’s Jez Clarkson now he’s ruffled a few feathers with these, lets face it, much more genuinely offensive remarks.

The Beeb say of Clarko’s joke:

“The vast majority of Top Gear viewers have clear expectations of Jeremy Clarkson's long-established and frequently provocative on-screen persona.
"This particular reference was used to comically exaggerate and make ridiculous an unfair urban myth about the world of lorry driving, and was not intended to cause offence."

The thing is, if the question is “how many dead prostitutes does it take to make one Andrew Sachs?” the answer, according to the BBC, would appear to be “more than five”.

It is morally and logically indefensible to throw performers to the lions one week for making jokes about shagging a lassie and to then defend a guy who makes a joke referencing five young women murdered in cold blood barely a year ago. Am I saying Clarkson should be sacked? No, of course not, a joke is a joke, but where's the consistency?

When Cari Mitchell of the English Collective of Prostitutes (great name!), says that the offence caused by Clarkson’s joke was: "…more serious than the Ross and Brand debacle" because he was "making light of murder", you have to say she has a point.

As for the BBC’s defence; if Jeremy Clarkson genuinely doesn’t wish to offend, he might want to steer clear of jokes about brutally (and very recently) murdered woman.

Will this escalate into the next celebrity witch hunt? I doubt it, but who knows? After all, we’re yet to hear as a nation what Kelvin McKenzie thinks of it all…

Like the Guy in China

With the US Election about to kick off here's a couple of election related funnies. Victoria Jackson used to be a cast member on Saturday Night Live. She had a nice line in dumb blondes. The reason, it turns out, is because she is one herself. The video on this link shows her on Bill O'Reilly's show as the Fox newsman attempts to drum up support for McCain. Even O'Reilly, a Grade A head-the-ball himself, seems a bit puzzled at her remarks. In the same 100 second video O'Reilly comments that Obama "...Seems to be a capitialist in the sense that he earns money and he buys things."

From a couple of weeks ago here's Larry David counting down the days.

"Five times a day I'll still say to someone, "I don't know what I'm going to do if McCain wins." Of course, the reality is I'm probably not going to do anything. What can I do? I'm not going to kill myself. If I didn't kill myself when I became impotent for two months in 1979, I'm certainly not going to do it if McCain and Palin are elected, even if it's by nefarious means."


Get your Obama Os here.

Here are a couple of slideshows of the election from Flickr. First Vote and then US Election.

If you're from the west of Scotland you'll probably know that former Talking Heads mainman David Byrne is originally from Dumbarton, as such he can't vote, so he's encouraging his fans to get down there and vote themselves.

The Guardian look at the top 25 moments from the campaign.

More on the Brand/Ross Carry-on

One of the things to amuse me about the Russell Brand/Jonathan Ross carry on is that no one can quite settle on a name for it. I've seen Ross/Brand Gate, Brand Gate, Sachs Gate and Manuel Gate. Perhaps it's time to stop trying to shoehorn 'gate' onto the end of each new scandal.

As the fallout continues there's been a couple of funny articles on the subject. In yesterday's Observer David Mitchell wrote this piece.

"Because it's been a particularly lovely week for those 30,000 and rising who've found the time in their undoubtedly busy schedules to thank the BBC for taking the trouble to offend them. Obviously, 29,998 of them missed the broadcast, but thanks to the miracle of YouTube and our dispassionate, fact-printing media, they've all had the opportunity to catch up and get their fix of what offends them.

They're an odd bunch, these people who actually enjoy being offended. Some would call them perverts but I, in common with much of the media, think that in our new inclusive society, their fetish should be indulged. In fact, live and let live, it should be celebrated. It's harmless, if incredibly weird, and they're an important and growing demographic. In fact, I'm thinking of pitching a TV show specifically targeted at them called Why Don't You All Go and Fuck Yourselves!? I imagine it'll be a hit."

Then in today's Guardian there comes this insightful and amusing article from Charlie Brooker.

"Perhaps it's time to put a "Complain to Ofcom" button right there on the remote control: if enough viewers press it, the show gets yanked immediately, like a bad variety act being pulled off stage by a shepherd's crook."