My comedy comeback continued apace last night with a gig at The Stand in Edinburgh. This was much more like it for me as I went down really well and enjoyed it on stage. I even felt like I wanted to do more. I was on first, as I had predicted on my way there. Generally I quite like being on first, as for one thing if it goes well you can enjoy the rest of the night. Some of my jokes were slow burners, but everything got a laugh.
As for the rest of the evening, as these nights tend to be it was a bit of a mixed bag. My mate, the ever unpredictable, Tony was on. Mad dancing, a toy drum kit, a brilliant bit of improvisation with a lighter and a terrific closing line made him the best of the evening for me.
Other acts on the bill. The double act who spoke in faux American accents all night long absolutely done my head in backstage. An Australian guy who was flashed 12 times to finish up was probably the most excruciating part of the night.
It was the second time I've played the Edinburgh Stand and the second time I've went to The Basement for dinner beforehand. I dunno if I like the idea of forming some sort of pre-match ritual, but perhaps I have.
On this occasion my solitary supporter was Jo and lucky I took her as she offered a detailed critique, not so much of this performance but of gigs previous. This time I didn't do any of the things she said I had a bad habit of doing. Like swinging back and forward for example, I had no idea.
As for the secret details of forthcoming gigs, I am on in Hamilton next week and don't worry I don't expect anyone to come along to that one.
Tuesday, 16 November 2004
Monday, 15 November 2004
A Date With...Hilarity
Aye, well done us on our stand up comedy come back on Saturday night. Tom's first gig since may, my own first since January. I though we both did pretty well, even if I had a pretty nervy opening when my tried and tested "Crunchie" joke fell flat on it's tired old arse.
Good night all round really considering we lost our headliner, had someone turn up out of the blue and only secured a compere at about half eight that night. It was also great to see so many folk turning out to fake laugh at our stuff.
Tom is back with a few more dates in the next few weeks - see the big man for secret details.
Good night all round really considering we lost our headliner, had someone turn up out of the blue and only secured a compere at about half eight that night. It was also great to see so many folk turning out to fake laugh at our stuff.
Tom is back with a few more dates in the next few weeks - see the big man for secret details.
The Laughter Returns
As some of you will know, both Fizz and I made our stand-up comedy comebacks on Saturday night at O'Neills. Appearing on the bill together for the first time, we had the dual roles of performing and organising the gig. Without a compere until 8.30, when Simon McKinney was drafted in at short notice, we also had an unexpected arrival in Bill Bruce, who we managed to squeeze in as well. We also had our headline act Des Clarke replaced late on by Gary Little.
As for us two, Fizzy's nervously anticpated comeback went off with a bang. Despite the fact that he was confused as to when he was going on, he rose to his name being called with great aplomb. His stuff old and new went down a storm.
For my part I thought I performed poorly, although I did still get the laughs.
Cheers to those who turned up to support us, Ronnie & Claire, Iain, Grant, Tommy, Cathy, Johnny & Pauline, Jon, Gregor and Jason & Lindsay.
As for us two, Fizzy's nervously anticpated comeback went off with a bang. Despite the fact that he was confused as to when he was going on, he rose to his name being called with great aplomb. His stuff old and new went down a storm.
For my part I thought I performed poorly, although I did still get the laughs.
Cheers to those who turned up to support us, Ronnie & Claire, Iain, Grant, Tommy, Cathy, Johnny & Pauline, Jon, Gregor and Jason & Lindsay.
Sunday, 14 November 2004
Friday, 12 November 2004
Armando Iannucci Shows
I have just discovered that you can download some epsiodes of Armando Iannucci's mid 90s radio series. It's from a Lee & Herring fan site and I think the episodes relate to guest appearances Lee and Herring made on the show.
Fuck the Bus Company
When I purchased my weekly bus ticket this morning, the bus driver practically sat bolt upright in his seat, implored me not to put my tenner in the chamber but in his grubby paw. He then told me to keep the additional pound, advising me to "Fuck the bus company."
Obviously a man not shy of dipping the takings for himself. I wasn't sure how keen I was on this deal. I get my bus ticket with a quid off, but he pockets a tenspot. If I was offered that sort of deal beforehand I don't think I would have taken it. I end up with less than 10% of the scammed cash.
He printed me off a ticket in the normal fashion. I did wonder how his scam works, surely the tickets put through would have to relate with the money in his takings. Anyone any ideas?
Obviously a man not shy of dipping the takings for himself. I wasn't sure how keen I was on this deal. I get my bus ticket with a quid off, but he pockets a tenspot. If I was offered that sort of deal beforehand I don't think I would have taken it. I end up with less than 10% of the scammed cash.
He printed me off a ticket in the normal fashion. I did wonder how his scam works, surely the tickets put through would have to relate with the money in his takings. Anyone any ideas?
An All Day Session
Yesterday I went out on a day long drinking session with Jo and Moira. That said it wasn't booze the whole way. Having found half of Byres Road shut due to waterworks and renovations we finally ended in out of the rain in the new Bar Buddha in Creswell Lane for breakfast.
From there though we headed for the movies and saw (oh my good God) Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (1/5). It was much as I had anticipated and is indeed the first film all over again. My favourite bit though is when the Thai authorities allow Bridget to open the minds of the Thai women in prison with Men are from Mars Women are from Venus books, Galaxy chocolate and lingerie. Despite the fact that one of Britain's best comedy writers, Richard Curtis has had his hand in this, it smacks of the boring rubbish any day dreaming housewife could knock out in 90 minutes. Start with an insecure woman prone to jumping to conclusions, chuck in some daft fantasy about a dream wedding proposal, a few know-it-all friends, a cad and a (shock) happy ending and there you go Bridget Jones 3. As we left the cinema my sarcastic comments of "What an ending! That was like The Sixth Sense! What a twist. I'm floored," weren't welcome.
Back in the real world we spent most of the afternoon in The Universal on Sauchiehall Lane. We had our tea there and I was pleasantly surprised by how good their food was. In the evening we drank cocktails in Gong. The Tooty Fruity proved popular. When that shut we finished off in Oran Mor. I think we were all surprised we had lasted that sort of pace.
By the end of the night we had amused ourselves by playing games such as Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon and this easier version of the same game. Though Jo did comment several times, "Tom, I've never heard of any of those films."
I can't say I'm really looking forward to my return to the workforce next week.
From there though we headed for the movies and saw (oh my good God) Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (1/5). It was much as I had anticipated and is indeed the first film all over again. My favourite bit though is when the Thai authorities allow Bridget to open the minds of the Thai women in prison with Men are from Mars Women are from Venus books, Galaxy chocolate and lingerie. Despite the fact that one of Britain's best comedy writers, Richard Curtis has had his hand in this, it smacks of the boring rubbish any day dreaming housewife could knock out in 90 minutes. Start with an insecure woman prone to jumping to conclusions, chuck in some daft fantasy about a dream wedding proposal, a few know-it-all friends, a cad and a (shock) happy ending and there you go Bridget Jones 3. As we left the cinema my sarcastic comments of "What an ending! That was like The Sixth Sense! What a twist. I'm floored," weren't welcome.
Back in the real world we spent most of the afternoon in The Universal on Sauchiehall Lane. We had our tea there and I was pleasantly surprised by how good their food was. In the evening we drank cocktails in Gong. The Tooty Fruity proved popular. When that shut we finished off in Oran Mor. I think we were all surprised we had lasted that sort of pace.
By the end of the night we had amused ourselves by playing games such as Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon and this easier version of the same game. Though Jo did comment several times, "Tom, I've never heard of any of those films."
I can't say I'm really looking forward to my return to the workforce next week.
Wednesday, 10 November 2004
David Boring
Yesterday I bought and read, within about 90 minutes David Boring by Daniel Clowes. I don't read many graphic novels and I think this may be the first one I've bought. It was really good, if quite dark and seedy.
Hark The Closet Tory...
Well, it looks as if the Government is going to ban smoking in pubs and restaurants from 2006. For me, that means an end to enjoying the pub, in the same way as a ban on smoking in cinemas meant I pretty much stopped going to see movies.
I understand and totally sympathise with anyone who has genuine health concerns about smoking. I have no beef with not smoking at the movies, neither do I have a problem with not smoking while people are eating. But while having a drink? That’s like saying no sniffing glue while you spike up with heroin.
There is nothing to reconcile the hypocrisy of banning one damaging activity while one is in the act of committing another.
Besides, this is not the real issue here.
There is no more a case for banning smoking than there is for banning crisps or drinking alcohol, and that’s what this is really about. It’s about denying people a right they once took for granted. With this ban in place, what is there to stop health officials from banning fatty foods or alcohol, further eroding a person’s right to live as they choose?
What I really resent is the nanny attitude that still exists within the Labour movement, where you pay taxes and national insurance all your life and then get shit from NHS doctors and politicians if you take up any part of the Health Services precious budget because of your diet or lifestyle.
These people have to be reminded again and again that the system only exists because of the money that we break our arses for in our shitty jobs every week.
This attitude that working class people don’t have the wherewithal to look after themselves and must have legislation designed to help them live longer rammed down their throats is grossly insulting, and likely to be the tip of the ice berg.
Why do they want us to live longer anyway, you have to ask yourself? So we can work longer and keep their sorry little racket going, that is why.
Nanny knows best, and while these Labour doyens enjoy an excellent quality if life on our dollar, they’re not worried about any health problems they might face in the future. They’re all members of BUPA.
The hypocrisy and arrogance displayed in this upcoming legislation is incredible and begs the question: “What are they going to ban us from doing next?”
I understand and totally sympathise with anyone who has genuine health concerns about smoking. I have no beef with not smoking at the movies, neither do I have a problem with not smoking while people are eating. But while having a drink? That’s like saying no sniffing glue while you spike up with heroin.
There is nothing to reconcile the hypocrisy of banning one damaging activity while one is in the act of committing another.
Besides, this is not the real issue here.
There is no more a case for banning smoking than there is for banning crisps or drinking alcohol, and that’s what this is really about. It’s about denying people a right they once took for granted. With this ban in place, what is there to stop health officials from banning fatty foods or alcohol, further eroding a person’s right to live as they choose?
What I really resent is the nanny attitude that still exists within the Labour movement, where you pay taxes and national insurance all your life and then get shit from NHS doctors and politicians if you take up any part of the Health Services precious budget because of your diet or lifestyle.
These people have to be reminded again and again that the system only exists because of the money that we break our arses for in our shitty jobs every week.
This attitude that working class people don’t have the wherewithal to look after themselves and must have legislation designed to help them live longer rammed down their throats is grossly insulting, and likely to be the tip of the ice berg.
Why do they want us to live longer anyway, you have to ask yourself? So we can work longer and keep their sorry little racket going, that is why.
Nanny knows best, and while these Labour doyens enjoy an excellent quality if life on our dollar, they’re not worried about any health problems they might face in the future. They’re all members of BUPA.
The hypocrisy and arrogance displayed in this upcoming legislation is incredible and begs the question: “What are they going to ban us from doing next?”
Tuesday, 9 November 2004
Write up North
On Saturday I went up to Inverness, where Jennifer and I went to a playwriting workshop run by Liz Lochead. She was quite entertaining, although probably performed a wee bit too much and therefore there wasn't enough time for questions.
Jennifer also provided me with a brief local history lesson.
Jennifer also provided me with a brief local history lesson.
Monday, 8 November 2004
In Some Schools...
You must read this hilarious article with Big Ron Atkinson. His attempts to talk himself out of the whole racist thing had me laughing for ages. His forthcoming TV show on racism reminds me of that episode of Father Ted when Ted, having offended Craggy Island's Chinese community, organises a slide show to prove he's not racist and only proves that he is in fact an ignorant, big fool. That's pretty much what Ron succeeds in doing here.
All Change in the Fantasy League
A disastrous weekend for league pacesetters The Von Brauns and Serenity Now has seen November start with my own Big Fanny Failures replacing Ronnie at the top of the league with Tom pushed down into third.
While Failures managed an incredible 61 points this weekend thanks to my policy of spend and re-build, Ronnie and Tom pulled in 6 and 5 respectively, thanks in part to injuries, bookings and the sending off of Man U firebrand Alan Smith.
Not a man to stand for being let down in that manner, Tom has already replaced him in his team with Barca front man Samuel Eto’o, although too late to capitalise on his goal scoring performance this Saturday.
Ronnie has also made changes, looking to free up some cash for a third striker, bringing in Boro’s in form Stuart Downing, as good a cheap option as there is in the game perhaps. However, Ronnie will have been rocked by news that after just 13 games, the departure of Tottenham coach Jacques Santini has left him without vital managerial points for the rest of the season.
Further down the table, Neltic FC, West Bam Utd and Locomotiv Sausages have all pulled back to within genuine striking distance of the leaders. Particular credit must go to West Bam, who looked dead and buried just a few weeks ago.
Below the chasing pack are two teams in serious trouble. CSFPG FC’s dramatic slide down the table seems to be the only thing going for Keith’s “Do You Smell Gas?” with Nicola’s team in dire need of an overhaul.
So, an amazing weekend in the Iomartership, with the team who finished the first week bottom going top after some wise spending in the transfer market. Extra transfers are available on the website at £1.50 for two.
While Failures managed an incredible 61 points this weekend thanks to my policy of spend and re-build, Ronnie and Tom pulled in 6 and 5 respectively, thanks in part to injuries, bookings and the sending off of Man U firebrand Alan Smith.
Not a man to stand for being let down in that manner, Tom has already replaced him in his team with Barca front man Samuel Eto’o, although too late to capitalise on his goal scoring performance this Saturday.
Ronnie has also made changes, looking to free up some cash for a third striker, bringing in Boro’s in form Stuart Downing, as good a cheap option as there is in the game perhaps. However, Ronnie will have been rocked by news that after just 13 games, the departure of Tottenham coach Jacques Santini has left him without vital managerial points for the rest of the season.
Further down the table, Neltic FC, West Bam Utd and Locomotiv Sausages have all pulled back to within genuine striking distance of the leaders. Particular credit must go to West Bam, who looked dead and buried just a few weeks ago.
Below the chasing pack are two teams in serious trouble. CSFPG FC’s dramatic slide down the table seems to be the only thing going for Keith’s “Do You Smell Gas?” with Nicola’s team in dire need of an overhaul.
So, an amazing weekend in the Iomartership, with the team who finished the first week bottom going top after some wise spending in the transfer market. Extra transfers are available on the website at £1.50 for two.
Friday, 5 November 2004
Who Are The Digerati?
Cos we were pub quizzing last night we missed Ronnie's band rock out at Barfly. Anybody go? Anyone like to report on it?
Ron has just posted some photos on his site.
Ron has just posted some photos on his site.
Taking the Quiz
Last night at The Rock we helped Cathy with their pub quiz. We finished a commendable 5th out of 20. However we were lying in second place going into the final round, so it turned out to be a bit disappointing. We scored a perfect round on the Films section.
As I was going to the toilet the guy coming out pulled the door just as I was about to push, 'sorry,' he said, 'no bother,' said I. The notable thing about this encounter is that the guy in question was Colin McCredie, who punched Ewan McGregor in a toilet in Shallow Grave. Maybe he wouldn't have tried the same thing with me, but who was willing to risk it?
Does anyone know where Napoleon died? Fizz did, but sadly no one lsitened to him.
As I was going to the toilet the guy coming out pulled the door just as I was about to push, 'sorry,' he said, 'no bother,' said I. The notable thing about this encounter is that the guy in question was Colin McCredie, who punched Ewan McGregor in a toilet in Shallow Grave. Maybe he wouldn't have tried the same thing with me, but who was willing to risk it?
Does anyone know where Napoleon died? Fizz did, but sadly no one lsitened to him.
Wednesday, 3 November 2004
Poor Cathy
Cathy is still experiencing flatmate woes.
I got up this morning and there was a full A4 size note ranting that I had left the window unlocked in the lounge and how unimpressed she was by my window behaviour and what a mar it was upon our flat security. It was quite nasty actually. But the thing that really got me about the rant was she had forgotten to lock the front double door to the flat last night! Security my arse.
I wrote a very pleasant note back saying the last time I opened that window was 2 months ago so it has either been sitting unlocked since then or someone else did it. I also pointed out that I would rather my last few weeks in the house be pleasant and the tone of her note was in no way encouraging.
Needless to say she sent me a grovelling text saying sorry it must of been the girl who stayed on the weekends fault (you know the one that left early because **** is a psycho).
She's moving out tonight.
I got up this morning and there was a full A4 size note ranting that I had left the window unlocked in the lounge and how unimpressed she was by my window behaviour and what a mar it was upon our flat security. It was quite nasty actually. But the thing that really got me about the rant was she had forgotten to lock the front double door to the flat last night! Security my arse.
I wrote a very pleasant note back saying the last time I opened that window was 2 months ago so it has either been sitting unlocked since then or someone else did it. I also pointed out that I would rather my last few weeks in the house be pleasant and the tone of her note was in no way encouraging.
Needless to say she sent me a grovelling text saying sorry it must of been the girl who stayed on the weekends fault (you know the one that left early because **** is a psycho).
She's moving out tonight.
?
Why the fuck is this considered news? Is every fucker just phoning it in now? Last week The Sunaday Mail thought that the biggest story in the world that day was that the latest lottery winner is a shiftless bevy merchant. Can anybody explain to me why people get into journalism nowadays? Surely it's not to report on what some daft bint watches on the telly or interview some jakey who's hit it lucky?
Bullet In The Head
So, the BNP have managed to get Jeremy Hardy banned from performing in Burnley for suggesting that the world would be better off if the BNP and its supporters were “shot in the back of the head”.
They claim “thousands” of their supporters would have been offended by his remarks.
Awwww, poor wittle Nazis. Did big bad, Jeremy Weremy make woo cwy?
I’m sure the oft cardiganed japester isn’t all that bothered as Burnely is a fucking toilet, but where do these malodorous clods get off complaining about being offended by Hardy’s comments?
We tolerate these wannabe ethnic cleansers and allow them freedom of speech because to curtail their rights would affect us all. No one gives a fuck about what offends you, you cunts. Your very existence is an affront to human decency. We put up with you, not the other way round.
Oh and by the way, half a dozen overweight dribblers who couldn’t get a ride at the fucking shows fisting each other off in a basement over a can of warm strongbow isn’t “thousands” of people.
Being shot in the back of the head is the very least the BNP and those who vote for them deserve.
They claim “thousands” of their supporters would have been offended by his remarks.
Awwww, poor wittle Nazis. Did big bad, Jeremy Weremy make woo cwy?
I’m sure the oft cardiganed japester isn’t all that bothered as Burnely is a fucking toilet, but where do these malodorous clods get off complaining about being offended by Hardy’s comments?
We tolerate these wannabe ethnic cleansers and allow them freedom of speech because to curtail their rights would affect us all. No one gives a fuck about what offends you, you cunts. Your very existence is an affront to human decency. We put up with you, not the other way round.
Oh and by the way, half a dozen overweight dribblers who couldn’t get a ride at the fucking shows fisting each other off in a basement over a can of warm strongbow isn’t “thousands” of people.
Being shot in the back of the head is the very least the BNP and those who vote for them deserve.
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