Bank Holiday Weekend

I think this blog may need an editor. I'’ll try to condense this into just the interesting parts of the weekend.


Friday
On Friday after work a few of us ended up going to the National Pop League at the Woodside Social. The music is generally pretty good, they tend to play stuff I only ever really hear on my walkman. Examples being Good Thing by The Woodentops, From Such Great Heights by the Postal Service and Hefner's Hymn for the Cigarettes. However as much as I love the guy I wouldn'’t have played Elliott Smith at a disco. There was one chap bravely jumping around to Baby Britain. I would love to see the club where the floor packs when Needle in the Hay comes on. The picture is of the booklet, badge and sweet we got for being among the first 100 in through the door.

I think we all agreed that the night dipped when the DJ stuck on American Pie. Now the thing about this song is that it’s not bad in that so bad it’s quite kitsch to dance to, like say maybe the Bay City Rollers, or indeed something more crass like Black Lace. Nah American Pie is just turgid. So we left not long after.

Saturday
On Saturday I went thru to Edinburgh to see some plays. I started off with The Wrong Man written by Danny Morrison, ex-IRA prisoner and director of publicity for Sinn Féin from 1979 until 1990.

The story centres round a suspected IRA informer. There’s a brilliant bit of misdirection in the first five minutes of the play that sets things up nicely.

Chronologically that’s the penultimate scene as the play then moves back in time to reveal the story.

The performances were all good, with a couple of the cast taking on multiple roles. The staging was good too, with one scene of two separate breakfast conversations taking place across a single kitchen table at the same time.

It avoids making any judgments on which side is right or wrong, although the police aren’t painted as particularly fair players. I enjoyed it, though I didn’t feel it as electric as some reviewers did. I wanted more of the electricity between the IRA players that the play started with, but it was till a very good play.

Just cos I wanted to squeeze another show in before I had to get the bus I stopped in at C Venue and plumped for The Drowning Point, a one woman show from Claire Porter.

This was the kind of stuff that abounds at the fringe. A one woman show with movement and painful monologues. The story basically was that this woman about to turn 40 loses her husband in a drowning accident on his yacht. It turns out that he was there having an affair with her best friend. So far so clichéd.

She was a very good performer but the material lets the whole thing down. She’s not helped by the slides that move the story on, as when the husband she is so cut up over is shown it turns out he’s a wee weedy looking guy.

There was a very good moment when she takes the time to look every single audience member in the eye and holds their gaze. I left wishing that I’d seen her in something a bit better written. Here’s a pretty accurate review of it from the Edinburgh Evening News.

When I got back to Glasgow I went to see the radio adaptation of Star Wars. A play I knocked back the part of R2-D2 in. Jo, Moira and Jennifer formed ‘Tom’s Angels’ for the evening.

It was a little bit odd, a couple of the actors in the central parts weren’t very good. Though there were some funny moments. Jon Dixon made a very funny R2-D2.

Afterwards we went for dinner at Pancho Villas where we knocked back a couple of pitchers of Pina Colada.

Sunday
I made my ‘fringe debut’ on Sunday with an appearance in The Greatest Charity Show on earth. It was awful. I was greeted with the words “are you a comic?” and then when I nodded was hugged. By Saif Abu Kandil, a heavy set bearded Egyptian-Iraqi with an American accent dressed as a nun.


Before I went on I had time to see the guy before me die on his arse playing as we were to a disinterested group of Sunday afternoon drinkers. When one of my early gags, usually a slow burner, so give it a moment, was met by a vast silence I knew I was onto a loser, but still had to batter it out for another 15 minutes, although I did cut it short. I finished my pint and left. All in all I think I was in, got a drink, did my bit, finished my drink and left in no more than 20 minutes.

I went for something to eat in Bar Napoli. Nicola is right when she says the food is good but the service lousy. Since my Morgan Spurlock inspired boycott of McDonalds and other fast food chains I find that I end up spending in access of a tenner in restaurants instead of 3 to 4 pounds in fast food joints.

From here I went to the Assembly Rooms to see Jerry Sadowitz’s card tricks and close up magic show. Sadowitz is notorious for his sick humour and also renowned for being one of the best close up magicians in the world. His magic was brilliant, but what really gets you is it’s magic performed by an aggressive Glaswegian.

“Is this your card? Is this your fucking card ya cunt?”
“How many balls do you think are in the cups? Come on just say something. It’s a magic show disnae matter what you say you’re gonnie be fuckin wrang.”


He did tell a constant stream of jokes as he performed. Some of them you could certainly say were racist and indeed homophobic. “If you have a children’s party don’t hire a children’s entertainer. They’re aw benders. There’s no punchline. Just friendly advice. Benders.” He’s well worth going to see though, if you like your magic with the constant threat that the magician might go mental if you say something wrong.



From there I trotted across town to see Demetri Martin at the George Square Theatre. About half an hour before the show I was sitting peacefully at a table outside the theatre. Demetri Martin was at the next table, guitar strapped across his back, signing autographs for a growing bunch of young female fans, when the Yin-Yang martial arts group came outside to celebrate their final show. This developed into a full blown champagne cork popping party within seconds. Causing me to flee. I’d like to think if ever I’m drenched in champagne it’ll be due to something outstanding I’ve done, not cos I happened to be sitting where a party breaks out.




Last year when I saw Demetri it was on his first night, of a show he said he subsequently changed. Due to a poor response from his first night audience I understand. This time it was his last night, so his show was really tight. The photograph is of his stage layout. To the left is a chair and on the floor, a small keyboard, a shoe and a tambourine. It became clear why these things were here as soon as he entered the stage. He came on stage with one show on, played the keyboard with his toes, tapped the tambourine with his other foot and strummed guitar while a bracelet of bells around his wrist jingled.




‘Prepare to have your asses blown’ read his flip chart as an assistant turned the pages, ‘by subtle comedy’. I found him about ten times as funny as I did last year and I enjoyed him last year. He knocked out some music while performing his jokes, the best bit being when he played the glockenspiel and keyboard simultaneously.

“All fights are food fights...if you’re a cannibal.”
“People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Shouldn’t that saying be, no one should throw stone. Unless you’re trapped inside a glass house.”
“People show me pictures of their kids. But when I give them a picture of me to show to their kid…they think I’m weird.”
“You can say you like children, but you can’t be specific about it. ‘I really like 12 year olds’. Dude, you’re sick”.


I could go on, but I don’t want to endlessly quote his lines, which I could do quite easily. He really was top drawer and never missed a beat all night. He’s a real comedic inspiration.



As I was walking back through Bristo Square I noticed a crowd had gathered and went over to have a look. It was Brendon Burns who had taken his show’s audience outside wearing nothing but his pants and socks. He had also dressed up a tramp on crutches in a PVC nun’s outfit. Ah the crazy spirit of the festival.

Monday - Bill Hicks: Slight Return
Monday was the festival’s last day and although there’s still plenty on at The Pleasance and the Assembly Rooms it’s a very quiet day. I thought I would take the opportunity to see a show that I’ve been curious about for a while. That show was Bill Hicks Slight Return. I’m loathe to refer to it simply as ‘Bill Hicks’ as the venue staff were doing. Now the idea of someone pretending to be Bill Hicks and performing material that he imagines Hicks might have come up with had he lived is an odd and potentially alienating one. I mean who is this guy anyway? In the context of a play I might be more comfortable with the concept, but co-written by Early and his director Richard Hurst, this was pretty much out and out stand up.

Chas Early is an English actor, not a stand-up but an actor and not American, so the American perspective that a lot of the show comes from is something he couldn’t get away with under his own name.

I didn’t really feel he looked that much like Hicks, which is the one thing most of the wildly varying views of opinions out there agree on. I felt with his voice he captured Hicks speech patterns and vocal inflections if not the right sound.

When people compared Bill Hicks to Lenny Bruce, Hicks said “Lenny Bruce was Lenny Bruce on stage and I’m Bill Hicks on stage. In that way we’re similar.”

The fact that this performer is doing stand up as someone else and doesn’t seem to have himself in the material was never more apparent in the one horrible moment in this show. I could feel a sense of unease throughout, but it rose to the surface when Early announced that he was doing some 9/11 material.

An American woman rose to her feet and announced how dare he attempt that as her son was “two blocks away.” She made to leave before turning and announcing “you’re not Bill Hicks you’re an asshole.” He dealt with it fine, he told her that ‘these are jokes’ and that she was taking things too seriously. Bill Hicks on the other hand, well Bill Hicks would have had no problems with calling her a cunt. Rightly or wrongly. He may well have taken her to task and had her explain her point of view. Doug Stanhope just lives for that sort of thing happening to him and would have pounced on it. As I could see it her son is still alive and well, he just happened to be working nearby when the Twin Towers were hit.

That’s where he falls down. The essence of Hicks was he was himself on stage and he believed in what he was saying. I’m not sure Early does. He did a bit about 9/11 (and a funny bit like how ‘9/11’ has become every bit as much of a brand name as Nike or Coke) because Bill Hicks would have. Bill Hicks said that he and certain other comics like Lenny Bruce and George Carlin who came before him and his contemporaries like Sam Kinison were “A breed of individuals who believe in their art and love it and want to evolve it.” Chas Early isn’t doing that. He’s an actor doing stand-up while pretending to be an edgy and legendary comedian and that’s why it doesn’t work as a whole.

Early made a joke out of the potentially show-ruining situation and carried on his routine. Didn’t seem phased by the incident and even referenced it another couple of times gaining a laugh each time. However it just highlighted that he’s in no way Bill Hicks come back to save us all.

No there’s no Bill Hicks around to give us his opinions on 9/11 on Bush and the War on Terror. He’s dead. We do have Doug Stanhope, we do have David Cross, if you dig further there’s Lewis Black and there’s one of my new favourite comics Patton Oswalt. We don’t really need anyone attempting to out words in the mouth of a dead guy.

Why stop at Hicks, why not imagine if Jesus came back as a stand-up and see what he’d say about the Israeli – Palestine conflict or American foreign policy. “Lenny Bruce is alive and he has 40 years worth of shit to get off his chest!”

I think it sounds like I hated it. But I didn’t. The material itself was quite good. Very good in places. I did laugh out loud a few times and a lot of it could have stood on its own merits, if Early had chosen to perform it as himself. Of course had he attempted to perform it on its own merits he wouldn’t have had sell out audiences for three weeks.

There was no time I thought, ‘nah Hicks wouldn’t have said that,’ he got the areas pretty right but then again internet porn, the Bush twins, gun control, who didn’t see that coming? A million hack comics do that material. But he did do it well.

It still doesn’t quite sit right with me. It nestles in an uncomfortable area. It’s not a play, so you don’t see the performance in that way – here’s a guy portraying Hicks. It’s not even a tribute act. Imagine a Jimi Hendrix tribute who goes, “Well you can hear all the records. Here’s the songs I think that Jimi would have written had he lived.” That show would have existed for about the time it took the audience to clear the room at the sound of the first note.

Certainly as a comedian I’m offended. It’s a giant shortcut to his own stand up show. Something that myself and a lot of other comedians would have a long slog to do. To build up that material and that audience. He’s written a decent hour of material, some of it is straight lifts from Bill Hicks. Another thing no self respecting comedian would do. It’s a nice wee angle for him that I’m sure he’ll ditch when he gets the acting offer the show was obviously set up for.

The Trap and True West
After that I went to see The Trap a sketch show. I had read a little bit about them on the forums of Chortle and the people who posted there seemed to indicate that they were shit hot. Well…they didn’t seem to do sketches as such, just wheeled on comedy characters. At least 5 of whom were some sort of rubbish entertainer.

To be honest I’m getting fed up of the ‘I’m rubbish and I know it, look how funny it is’ style of comedy. To be fair to them though they did have a couple of clever bits. One of their rubbish double acts did their terrible act backwards, which was then funnier, but was still about saying ‘your mum’s a slag’ etc. There was a little too much talking to the audience for my liking and one of their ‘clever’ sketches seemed like something that would have been on The Two Ronnies 20 years ago.

I finished off my evening and indeed the festival by going to see True West, a play by Sam Shepard that was on at the Zoo venue, which is about 200 yards from the Pleasance.

It was performed by the Distillery Theater Company from America. It was an excellent show, the two actors created a nice dynamic between the feuding brothers.

When Phillip Seymour Hoffman and John C. Reilly did this play in 2000 they alternated playing the brothers each night. Douglas Taurel and Foster Davis did this too on this production. Had I not seen it on its last night I would have went back to see it with the roles reversed. Anyway that was my weekend if you’ve read this far, at least you’ve killed half an hour at work.

Stick With Me And You'll All Be Wearing Gold Plated Diapers...

A while back we tried to provide you with a link to the hilarious Saturday Night Live "More Cowbell" sketch, but the link had gone by the time we posted.

Not this time!

This site seems to be a pretty good source for other US comedy clips as well; SNL, Chapelle etc. Enjoy.

Crash

Last night I went to Asia Style on St Georges Road for dinner. It was all right, but we were slightly confused by the ordering system. And when Jo asked about a seafood dish she was ‘recommended’ the dearest thing in the restaurant. We probably will go back though.

From there we went via the Halt Bar to the cinema. We saw Crash, which might be the best film of the year so far. All I really knew about it was that it was an ensemble piece about race relations in Los Angeles. That’s all you really need to know as that pretty much sums it up.

Directed by former Diff’rent Strokes and Love Boat writer Paul Haggis (who also wrote the excellent Million Dollar Baby) some of the ensemble cast are:

Don Cheadle as a detective with family problems.

Brendan Fraser as a DA worried about losing the black vote.

Matt Dillon as a racist cop stressed through caring for his elderly father.

An excellent Michael Pena, who I knew from playing Shane’s new partner in The Shield, as a locksmith who finds himself as the outlet for a few folks’ outrage.

Ryan Phillippe as an idealistic young policeman.

A great cameo from William Fitchner and there’s even a brief appearance by Tony Danza.

There are certainly holes in it to be picked – if that were your wish. However I thought it moved along at a nice pace and was the type of film where midway thru you think ‘this is brilliant’. It may not be to everyone’s tastes. A lot of the charcters aren’t very likeable for example and Jo said she thought it was good but depressing. For me though it’s taking home a solid 4 Tom stars.

Tickets on Sale Now!

Tickets for the latest You Owe Me Glue are now on sale. If you want to head over to the SECC website you can book online or indeed you can phone them up.

This show should see us perform mostly new stuff. May be a little bit of a risk to rest some crowd pleasers, but how else are we going to move on?

Edinburgh Festival IV

I went through to Edinburgh again last night. This occasion I had only the time to fit in one show, and tea at Tempting Tattie. I saw the show that my mate Tony was in, Park's Circus at Roman Eagle Lodge.

The venue is right at the top of the Royal Mile and in fact about 20 seconds walk away from Edinburgh Castle where the Tattoo was on. Just round about the time of their show starting The Royal Mile was absolutely jam packed with people coming from the castle and there was also an enormous winding queue of people waiting for the Tattoo. So the road ended up being closed, causing a slight delay to the start of the show.

The format was around 15 minutes of stand-up from 4 different comedians. Last week they had roped in one of their friends to hand out flyers for the show. As she was 5'10" and dressed in burlesque gear many punters had been expecting a slightly different format. So having learned their lesson they had her compere. And quite an amiable compere she was too.

Tony was first on. He starts his routine with a duologue with his inner thoughts, recorded on CD. This worked quite well. I've seen him do his stuff loads of times and he did some of his tried and tested material, but he will always try something new and having a stuffed dog deliver some of his jokes was one of those things.

The room was almost full, although the kept referring to the heat, I was sat by the air conditioning so was perfectly cool throughout. Of the other three comedians on Patrick Hyland's performance was about the best and provided my biggest laugh of the evening with a joke about the London Marathon.

All in it was a decent show with enough variation to keep it fresh.

The Turbodribbler

I knew this would happen, but since his £10 million transfer to Arsenal, Alexander Hleb's hilarious Google translated website is no more. Instead we have this glitzy English language version. No more from the Turbodribbler - it was terrific one to the two nil while it lasted.

Fizz is the Winner - So FUKU

Here at work we have a weekly quiz on a Friday. Someone in the team makes up a quiz e-mails it round us all – the winner may or may not get a prize – depending on what bits of rubbish that week’s quizmaster wants rid of. The bottom placed contestant gets to make up the quiz the following week. Sometimes - like today - they're quite straightforward and on other occasions they can be quite a nasty bunch of questions.

The winner on most weeks it won’t surprise you to learn is Fizzy. This week he beat me by one point. The question he took it on? The famous black car that appeared in Knight Rider is called K.I.T.T. but what does it stand for? Do you know the answer? I didn't.

His pointless knowledge of Knight Rider scooped this week’s big prize, which was a Chinese lunch. You should be able to see that Fizz was amused to discover it was FUKU beef.

More Glue Photos

The Glue Flickr page now contains more than 100 photos, so go have a look. If you can be bothered looking through 100+ photos of the same half dozen folk that is.

Gary Erskine

Here's something interesting, well interesting to me anyway. This is an article from The List this week. It's on artist Gary Erskine. The interest comes when you learn that it was written by our mate Iain who interviewed him last week.

But it doesn't end there. If you look at the graphic, which is I believe the cover to issue number 3 of Jack Cross, coming out in September, you'll see just over Jack Cross's right shoulder, our mates Jason and Lindsay. They've been posing for Gary Erskine's artwork for a while. In fact if you look to the left of Jack Cross the other girl looks an awful lot like Lindsay too.

If you click on the picture you should get a big enough version to read the article.

Glue Flickr Set

I've had a Flickr page for a while but never had anything on it. Not any more! I'm putting up all the You Owe Me Glue photographs there, from the first rehearsals through the show in March to the rehearsals for July and on to the current rehearsals. You get the picture, eh? Anyway if you want a look - and feel free to leave comments - the page is here. I'll be adding more later on.

I'm a Photographer Now

I now have a credit as a photographer, over on Uter’s Flickr set. There are also some photographs of them there that have been taken by proper cameras and photographers.

Resign Now Clarke

Just to add to Toms post, I too was saddened and incensed by the report which reveals the truth behind the murder of Jean Charles de Menezes.

And that’s just what it was. The brutal murder of an innocent man by incompetent, gung ho morons, obviously incapable of acting within the laws they are employed to enforced. More than that, they recklessly endangered a train full of members of the public by firing 11 shots, missing their target 3 times despite eye witness reports which place the murderer’s gun “12 inches” from the victims face.

This was state murder of an innocent man. Get your head round that. It is wholly unacceptable and those responsible must be brought to book, or we have lost the very freedom these despicable thugs were supposed to be protecting.

After describing his murdering underlings as heroes when he must have known the truth, Ian Blair must resign.

The men who carried out this murder must be tried.

And Charles Clarke, the home secretary responsible for the security crackdown which allowed this “shoot first think later/never” mentality to develop must also fall on his sword.

Of course, he won’t. Like all the new Labour cabinet, he is completely devoid of dignity, honour and a functioning sense of responsibility.

As I’ve mentioned before, a lot of rubbish has been talked recently about “not letting the terrorists win”. Well, they won this round. How many innocent members of the public were being murdered in cold blood by our police force before the bombings?

In murdering Jean Charles de Menezes, those responsible have not just disgraced themselves and our entire nation; they have also played directly into the hands of the scum they were supposed to be trying to capture.

Once again, our idiot authorities have attempted to achieve one result while actually achieving something more akin to the exact reverse.

Idiocy on that scale should only ever be rewarded with ignominy and dismissal at the very least.

So Then he Vaulted the Barrier, That's Right, Eh Lads?

I was intrigued/incensed by the information coming to light about the shooting of Jean Charles De Menezes. If you recall my previous post on the subject, I was dubious about the Police's version of events and certainly thought that they had blundered through idiocy and the desire for some of that Hero Pussy.

According to what's now been leaked out, the Police were gung-ho idiots of the highest order. De Menezes simply left a house the Police rightly or wrongly had under surveillance, the guy who should have had him on tape and able to identify him was in the toilet.

The hero cops, remember that, heroes mind we got told that at the time? The hero cops were ordered to stop him from entering the train station. They didn't. He didn't vault the barrier but accessed it with his travelcard as his family had said. Even picked up a Metro. Mind how he had that big jacket on that "might have contained a bomb"? Turns out it was a denim jacket. Mind all that talk about how he rubber eared the Police's clear instructions to surrender? Seems now that they didn't give any.

When he got on the train it appears that he was apprehended by an officer who pinned his arms to his sides. His hero colleague then shot him 7 times in the head, once in the shoulder and now it appears they even managed to miss 3 times.

Aye, heroes protecting the community, not glory hunting idiots creating a disaster out of fuck all. Then spinning a story to cover their arses. The modern day equivalent of framing a load of Irish folk. I hope that buffoon Sir Ian Blair has the decency to resign after defending the Keystone Cops with firearms.

The First (Bus) Rule of Fight Club

The main reason I was late for work this morning was because during the driver’s second five minute break in order to read his paper, one of the other passengers decided to threaten him in a bid to get him to start the bus moving.

"Whit the fuck are you daein? Get this bus moving!"
"I'm ahead of schedule."
"Fucking get this bus started!"

This reached its crescendo when the guy slammed the driver’s cab door off the driver’s head.

“You’ve just hit me on the head with the door! There wis nae need fur that!”
“Fucking get this bus moving!”
“Watch your language.”
“Just move the bus.”
“You’ll be going off.”
“I’m late for work now!”
“Well I’m on schedule!”

And so on for a few minutes while another bus passed us. The driver then steadfastly refused to drive off cos then of course he would have looked like a pussy. Is there no end to the First Bus Fight Club?

"I'm Still the Same Sarcastic Bastard"

Here's an interview with Ben Folds in the Toronto Metro, where he discusses the songs off Songs For Silverman and his relationship with William Shatner.

And here's a review or two of the show he was promoting.

Here's another interview this time with Centre Daily Times.

And finally an interview with Toronto Eye.

Lost

I have now watched the first two episodes of Lost. Tommy, having seen the whole series already is a huge fan. I thought it was okay and I'll keep watching, but with some apprehension.

If you've not seen it yet, the plot appears to be that a plane load of beautiful people have crashed on a remote island. There's a fat guy and an old guy that somehow sneaked onto the plane, spoiling the young and gorgeous passenger demographic. The plane also managed to allow just the right number of racial minorities on before take off too.

My apprehension is mainly the thought that with so many characters and on an island that seems pretty mad so far, the goalposts will be routinely moved, revelations about characters will come along week after week and it'll mutate from drama to soap opera by the end of the series.

I will have my eyes peeled for the Teri from 24 amnesia moment.

Another Trip to Edinburgh

Since the days to my ‘holiday’ were dwindling I went back thru to Edinburgh yesterday to catch some more stuff. First up I went to see another sketch show The Monkey Butlers. ‘It is not awful’ ran yesterday’s 2 star review in The Scotsman and I pretty much have to agree with that.

The sketches showed little or no inspiration and there were too many ‘runners’ when the premise wasn’t interesting enough to hold it up for one sketch let alone three. They really did seem as if they were a student review, but since they’re all well past university age, I would have expected something a bit more substantial.

The acting was good though, Hal Cruttenden in particular was excellent. The only thing I really laughed at was his spot on impersonation of Tony Blair as a cannibal, though a lot of his mannerisms were a little like Blair’s and he does have the look of a chubbier version.

After that I took lunch in Bonsai the Japanese restaurant around the corner from the Pleasance. Not bad, portions a bit small of course, Diet Coke though was flat.

Then I saw ventriloquist David Strassman. He’s been performing for over 25 years and began playing the comedy clubs of New York at the same time as Jerry Seinfeld. Probably the main reason I thought he’d be funny is that earlier this year I made my way thru three DVD seasons of 70s sitcom Soap. On that Chuck and Bob – a deranged ventriloquist and his puppet – routinely made me howl with laughter. So I thought Strassman would have a chance of doing the same.

And he did. Some of his jokes were weak, but his talents are awesome and when he was funny, he was tears down the cheeks funny. My two favourites of the number of characters he brings on were Ted E. Bare and Sidney Beaverman, a beaver who is an aspiring comedian. The 50-year-old guy in front of me shouted and cheered like a 4-year-old when Ted E. Bare appeared.

Probably the best bits of the show were when he made a mistake, tripped over a line or wasn’t quick enough to the next line. In every instance his puppets would immediately mock him for his errors. I enjoyed him so much I even bought his DVD, which also made me laugh quite a bit.

In addition I bought Eugene Mirman’s CD ‘The Absurd Nightclub Comedy of...’ Eugene Mirman is playing at the Underbelly. On the strength of the CD I may go and see him, but there were more funny ideas than laugh out loud moments.

In Clod We Trust...

At work, we’ve just had a complaint through from an American about our shitty standards of service. Nothing new there, but the hilarious thing about the complaint is that he tried to guilt whoever was reading into action by claiming that, as Britons, we should “treat him with more honour” due to:

“…the number of American lives that were spent to keep you free and the amount we spend on your daily defence.”

So that must answer a few questions for you.

Can you imagine the arrogance of a person who refers to WWII in terms of the number of American lives lost? America never experienced the Blitz and never had an entire Nazi army 20 odd miles from the border. What about the Russians, who lost millions and oh, eh, the fucking JEWS YOU CRETIN!!!!!

He of course also refers to our current folly in Iraq, an action most Britons oppose and an action that puts the lives of everyone in this country at risk from revenge bombings by Islamist nutjobs.

Plus he also seems to believe that we don’t pay taxes and that America funds our defences. Defences he/we wouldn’t need to fork out on if AMERICA STOPPED TAKING US TO FUCKING WAR UNNECESSARILY!!!!!!

So here we have your stereotypical yank, who has never even considered that Britons don’t agree with him or American foreign policy and hey, that we just plain might not like what America is playing at and who also feels that everyone else in the world personally owes him a debt of “honour” because his country throws cash around so it can tell everyone what to do.

There's nothing quite like an arrogant fool to get the blood going. I hope he sues and loses his shirt.

DVD Watching

Despite the fact I’m supposed to be working on writing the new You Owe Me Glue show at the moment, I thought I’d take some time out to tell you about some recent DVD viewing.

In order to get some inspiration and indeed just for some general enjoyment I’ve been watching Season 1 of The Kids in the Hall. Despite being stung by customs for an additional 9 quid to have it delivered from Canada, I’ve enjoyed it immensely. Even although there are some sketches that just plain don’t seem to have a joke in them, their stuff is inspired, well acted and well written. The Season 1 DVD consists of a documentary on their beginnings and a half hour of live footage from their early days, which I found interesting and in the case of ‘The Time I Fucked Jim Hendrix’ and ‘Dog Office’ very funny.

The Kids never had trouble, like we do, of writing for women, cos they’d just dress up in drag and play the women themselves.

I said at the time we presented it that our ‘My Two Gay Dads’ sketch from the last YOMG could easliy have been done already by Kids in the Hall. I still stand by that, even although I wasn’t watching them at the time it was written. Of course I may also have just found a back handed way to compare us to genuine talents.

My next suggestion for DVD viewing is not from the comedy genre. I’m just about to wrap up Season 1 of The Wire. Most folk I’ve spoken to about this haven’t heard of it, mainly cos it was only ever on F/X over here.

To provide a brief outline, it’s a cop show, employing much more subtle detective work and surveillance techniques than contemporaries like The Shield. With a ragtag task force Jimmy McNulty, hated by his superiors, has to build a workable case against untouchable player Avon Barksdale.

I can’t recall a show that builds the way The Wire does. Each episode manages to top the last. I’m already bracing myself to take another hit from customs to order Season 2 on Region One.

League Countdown

With the Premiership season just about ready to kick off there's only a few days left to join The Cheerybananaship (well actually you can join it whenever, but to get the maximum out of your team, only a day left).

Come on Talking Pish readership, all 6 of you, get joining this league, cos we're gonnie write about it all season or until we got bored with it, so it'll be more interesting for you if you're in it.

Remember, the password is 'ladies'.

More from the Fest

To start off with we went to see Danny Bhoy at the Assembly Rooms. Jo’s been wanting to see him for ages, mainly cos he was in her tutorial class at university. It took me a while to warm up to him, but he got funnier and funnier as his set wore on. His show explored Scottishness. The Scottish diet, thistles and bagpipes. It’s funnier than it sounds believe me. He managed to be funny covering even the most basic of themes, like the Scottish reaction to last orders. “Shut it, you’re having two.”

After that we went for dinner on Hanover Street. Jo was impressed by the amount of choice on this one street. We eventually plumped for La Rusticana. After showing her the charms of The Phoenix on Broughton Street we headed up to The Stand.

It was no surprise to me but Daniel Kitson is still the funniest thing at the Edinburgh Festival. This year his show was a response to a review he received in Australia that termed him ‘a misogynistic little bully.’ It centered on his childhood friend Sam and the fact that Sam shaped him as an adult.

The funniest bits for me included Dan asking “When you’re doing something good for someone, you wish that other people could find out about it, without you having to tell them.” His routine on eating at a Chinese restaurant – going from shoveling down course after course to demanding any remaining food be removed from your vision less you be sick was inspired. He even had a bit on his love for Ben Folds and his horror that someone he thought a dick saw him with a Ben Folds T-shirt on and came over to speak to him.

He played for about an hour and three-quarters and apart from one bit about hotels did a different set from the 3 hour show I saw in Glasgow in March. He’s without doubt the most consistently funny comedian I’ve seen.

From here we went to Late ‘N’ Live at the Gilded Balloon. This was slightly disappointing. We missed the opening act but got there in time for Ed Byrne. I’ve never really been a big fan of his but I found him hilarious here. His routine on a Glasgow drunk threatening a kebab shop owner in Dublin was brilliant. He was followed by Jason Byrne who again I’ve never been a fan of and this performance didn’t change that for me. He closed by having Ed Byrne return and throw himself over some chairs, such is the crazy spirit of Late N Live.

Compere Phil Nichol then came on to do a cover of Violent Femmes’ Blister in the Sun with the band for the evening Rock Bros. I suggested that they were a department store who dealt only in rock related products. “Haberdashery, no madam, first floor plectrums, drumsticks and sweatbands.’

Anyway they rocked the night away as we adjourned to the bar. And at 5am that was about the end of the night for us. All that was left to do was attempt to find somewhere that sold a bacon roll. We did but about three hours later back in Glasgow.

Scotsport – Still Unbelievable

A lot of fans have it in for STVs notorious “football” show, Scotsport SPL.

Given that it’s still by far and away the worst football highlights programme that ever existed, the fans currently organising petitions against the programme have rather more than a point.

Last nights show was another incredible example of how not to make TV.
Forget the fact that, with the audience in some kind of smoking lounge, Jim Delahunt and his “panel” seem to be in some kind of quarantine, forget the always excruciating “talk to the fans, but not about anything controversial, oh no” bit, forget their “dream ticket” competition, offering the prize of seeing Arsenal v Chelsea, a match that has absolutely fuck all to do with their show.

One thing alone stood out for me.

What the fuck is up with Bill Leckie’s hair?

Here we have a man in at least his late 40s wearing not only the haircut but what actually appears to be the hair of an 18 year old. Who the motherfuck are you trying to kid with that Bill?

I had to phone up Tom and get him to watch to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. Believe me, the screenshot I’ve posted here does not do him justice.

Marry that to Archie McPherson’s admission that he couldn’t pronounce Shunsuke Nakamura’s name (aren’t you eh, a commentator Archie? Is being able to say the names of the players you’re describing to us not eh, part of your job?) and that daft Sarah O lassie’s insane perma-grin and you have a truly remarkable audio-visual dogs breakfast, bound to go down in the annals of television history as the most inept sports programme ever conceived.

The funny thing is I don’t know if I want it off the air. Sure, it’s dreadful and I would really like a Scottish football show that actually showed some football, but I haven’t laughed as hard in a long time as I did last night. Just ask Tom.

The First Rule of Fight Club

There were some hilarious antics on the 62 last night. It's not uncommon for rows to develop up the back of any bus I tend to be on. Generally after about 9pm there's at least one bam on any bus you get on in town. However last night I could just feel that the bitter dispute over fuck all was going to turn nasty. I was not disappointed.

The row was between two pissed up neds, one your typical shellsuit, baseball cap and Celtic top, the other a bigger guy in a T-shirt. There was a guy in a tracksuit with a a brilliant second prize across his face, who was loudly trying to mediate.

Anyway after a few minor scuffles that the lad with the mars bar adverted it all kicked off. The boy in the shellsuit, having had enough lip off the other lad, stood up, pulled his shellsuit trousers down to his ankles and ordered him to "suck my dick." At which point the bigger guy punched him round the head. A scuffle ensued and they traded a few blows, though Shellsuit had to resort to spitting. As the rest of the bus shouted "Get off the bus" they made their way down the passageway off the bus, with the bigger guy landing a few punches and headbutts as they went.

Now the passageway on the bus is quite narrow, so the obvious disadvantage one of them had, in that he had his trousers at his ankles, was not apparent until they got onto the street. As they got off the bus Shellsuit tried to pull his trousers up, only to be kicked up the arse and bounced off a shutter. He then made a second attempt only to be clattered into the bus shelter.

By this point Shellsuit decided to stop trying to pull his strides up and just make a run for it. With his trousers still at his ankles he attempted to bomb down the street. Of course he didn't get very far before being clobbered again. Unphased he resumed his comedy dash down the street, only to be very quickly caught and thumped. This routine continued for as far back as I could see from the bus window. It was as if they were acting out an Irvine Welsh adaptation of a Brian Rix style farce.

So remember the first rule of Fight Club - Never start a fight with your breeks at your ankles. It might not have been clearly set out in the guidelines but in Fight Club - Trousers are Compulsory.

The Comedy Cavern

Last night I played Blackfriars again. It went all right. Nothing special really. I probably should spend more time writing new stuff and stretching my bit out for longer. I was on with Kevin Bridges and New Zealander Sully O' Sullivan. Kevin, it turns out, goes to the football on the same supporters' bus as my brother. He's also in the semi-finals of So You Think You're Funny at the Edinburgh Festival.

The posters for You Owe Me Glue 2 still adorn the walls downstairs in Blackfriars and none of them have so far been defaced. Scroll down this page and you can see the listing for the new Glue show.

You may also notice, as I did, that we are the 8pm appetiser for the 10pm show - Celebrity Comedy Covers. Six of Scotland's top comedians pay tribute to their favourite comedy acts by appearing on stage as their Comedy Idols. Including Chick Murray, Richard Pryor and Dave Allen.

The Start of the Festival

With the Edinburgh Festival having kicked off, Jo and I wasted no time in heading through. The first thing we went to see yesterday was The Reduced Shakespeare Company, who this year were doing the abridged version of the big Hollywood movies. With only three in the cast, playing a variety of roles, there was a lot of energy and plenty crammed in, from silent movies to Ewan McGregor. Although there were a few laughs in the show, it struck me that if it were trimmed to a tight 60 minutes it would have been more entertaining. It didn’t really get going until about the last half hour.

We were then joined by Iain and after lunch we were offered two sets of free tickets, one for a play about squatters and ‘their landlord David Bowie’, which put me off immediately. The second batch of freebies was what we plumped for, Cowards, a sketch show. I had wanted to see at least one sketch show this festival, if only to come out of it going ‘pish, we’re better than that.’ However this was really good. The four guys were very tight, had no costumes and minimal props. There were no characters or potential catchphrases most of the situations were a bit surreal but the conversations between the characters were real. They all felt natural and sometimes captured perfectly the awkwardness of speaking to people you don’t really know that well. Their sketches included preparing for the arrival of the Queen, being stuck up a tree, extreme views on Sir Steven Redgrave and tackling a raging fire all on your own. I heartily recommend going to see them.

Where they differed from YOMG were, I felt they were tighter, that the material struck me as being devised from improv and they weren’t reliant on costumes. I could always tell what era or what situation they were supposed to be in from straight off, without any visual aids. They probably also benefit from working with a director. The best YOMG have as a director is me.

After Iain left to partake of his latest hobby - lawn green bowls (?!) we went to see Richard Herring – Someone Likes Yoghurt. I went to see him last year in his themed show, this time he was doing a more straightforward stand-up set. I probably laughed more throughout this show, but I think I enjoyed last year’s show more. His set covered topics like Rudyard Kipling, the absurdity of the Magpie song, the hypocrisy of the Catholic church and his perceived love of yoghurts. My favourite line was probably his suggestion that “Jesus was much cooler than the folk he hung around with...kind of like The Fonz.” If you have a look at the above link you'll see that he feels as an audience we were 'reserved.' The guy he talks about was sitting in front of me, and nah he didn't seem to enjoy it that much.

We then walked up to The Gilded Balloon to see David O’Doherty who was brilliant. He has a very chatty style. His show revolved around his family and his battles with his namesake the mathematician David O’Doherty. It all centered around which one of them was number one on Google. The mathematician, disgruntled that the comedian had purchased thedavidodoherty.com domain name, proclaimed himself ‘the official David O’ Doherty.’ The comedian then got people at his gigs to e-mail the mathematician. The mathematician then phoned the comedian and replied to his fans with his phone number and address. Have a look at the ‘official’ David O’Doherty’s take on the crazy situation.

The only thing after that I have to recommend is supper at Favorit. We both had chicken salads and excellent they were too. We have more shows booked for Wednesday.

Glue Change

In News Just In the venue and date for You Owe Me Glue in September has been changed. We're now on at Blackfriars on Friday the 23rd of September. Incidentally the reason we've been bumped is that Rod Stewart has booked Arta that night for a party. We're waiting to see if YOMG will get an invite.

Chappelle's Show Over

I hope this isn't one of Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories cos this is bad news. There's a bit more detail here.

You Owe Me Glue on DVD

Some of you may be interested to know that the DVD of the first performance of You Owe Me Glue is now (just about) available. If you were there that Tuesday night in March you can now hear yourself giggle at our antics. If you were the bald guy sitting in the front row, you can now see the back of your head. And if you weren't there, you can see the 'not as good as the second night' performance from that first run.

To whet your appetite for the DVD have a look at some of the stills below.

Uter Photos

OK, since I'm on holiday you'll be expecting lots of exciting posts and photographs from me, eh? Aye mibbie not. Anyway to kick off with I went to see Uter last night at The 13th Note's End of the Month Club. There are some blurry photographs below. Though Marceline and the Uter gang seem to prefer their photographs blurry, just so long as the fairy lights are in shot.

What The Hell?

Another new story on Cheery Bananas Online for you, if you like that sort of thing...

We Are Pure Legends

Gracious thanks to Stewart from award winning-fanzine Beard who gave Cheery Bananas a nice menshie in a recent Diskant interview.

As a matter of no small coincidence, Cheery Bananas Online is 1 today, a fact we've celebrated with a new story on the site and tentative plans for a new issue...

A Political One

I’ve not commented on the shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes by the Police last week, but since it’s caused me to shout at the television I think I probably should.

The government line on the incident seems to be that it was ‘a tragedy’ but the police were doing ‘a difficult job.’ Sir Ian Blair the Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police is spinning the line that ‘What if he was a suicide bomber?’ Aye what if? It’s not even as if they had shot a guy who didn’t have a bomb on him that day but did the day before. Sir Ian Blair: “He wore a padded jacket, that might, didn't, but might have concealed a bomb.”

In my opinion this is a national tragedy where the Police fucked up big time. The ‘what if?’ defence is akin to a doctor wrongly diagnosing that a patient has cancer and removing a testicle or a limb and then saying ‘Ah but what if I was right? If I hadn’t got it so 100% wrong, then I would have been 100% right.’ An utterly nonsensical childlike argument that just doesn’t wash.

You have to look at why Jean Charles de Menezes was targeted that day by the Police. What suspicion did he bring on himself? Why did they follow him from his home? What made them so sure he was a suicide bomber intent on blowing up the tube station?

From what I’ve read he did very little. He left a building Police had under surveillance. Should they not then have known who he was? If it was a building with multiple occupants, are they all suspected suicide bombers?

You have to also wonder why then did they let him get on a Number 2 bus? If they were so sure he was a terrorist why not intercept him then? And why get on the bus with him, to sit a few feet away?

Some folk say, “Well he had the chance to stop when the police warned him.” But did he? The police didn’t approach him, they were plain clothed officers who came from behind. And it’s certainly not unusual for someone to ignore people shouting at them in the city. Perhaps the police were aware they were caught up in some sort of city saving big mission, but Jean Charles de Menezes certainly didn’t.

Why did he run? Well, the story emerging now is that he didn’t vault the barrier but in fact accessed it thru his travelcard. The ‘he jumped and ran’ story according to de Menezes’s family was spun by the police later in the day. But if he did run, who’s really surprised? He was obviously a frightened guy, aware that people were following him, in what had become a dangerous area.

The police were only protecting the public goes another of their defences. Well Jean Charles de Menezes was one such member of the public that they were meant to protect. Instead he got shot 8 times, seven in the head. Tony Soprano wouldn’t have executed anyone so brutally.

But they risked their lives! Well, no, they gunned down an innocent unarmed man. If they wanted to risk their lives they could have held him down after they had pounced on him and checked under this suspiciously enormous jacket he was wearing to see if there was a bomb there. If they were risking their lives they could have lain on top of him to shield others from the bomb blast (I saw it in a film). No, the only life they were risking was that of Jean Charles de Menezes.

What these guys were after wasn’t to risk their lives and save the lives of others, what they were after was Hero Pussy. Stanhope tells it better than me, but the hero status seemed to be what was driving these guys. They surely didn’t seem able to make a calculated judgement on the situation. Why didn’t they call for some sort of back up to cut him off and face him down? “The guy who wrestles an alligator is risking his life, but he’s never done it without an audience.”

Recently I have found myself in the odd position of supporting the police. During the G8 riots for example and I thought they deserved credit for seemingly being on the ball in tracking down the suspected London bombers. And on that second front they still, bar this gigantic cock up, look pretty much on the case.

Should the police be held accountable? Oh yes. They made a huge mess of their jobs and should be accountable the same way anyone else would be. Shoul the Met Commisoner be saying that this could happen again? No he should not.

All Express "Journalists" Are Pernicious Wankers

The Daily Express led today with the headline “Bombers Are All Spongeing (sic) Asylum Seekers”.

Aye, don’t hold back eh?

Of course, what they’re really suggesting is:

“All Spongeing (for fucks sake, you'd think working for a paper they could at least spell eh?) Asylum Seekers Are Bombers”.


This kind of pish has to stop and I'm not just talking about the spelling. I’ve read a lot of shite about what has happened in the last few weeks (Squander 2) and its starting to get my back up.

As B-liar says, there is no justification whatsoever for suicide bombing. Same as there is no justification for shooting an innocent man several times in the head.

People talk about not giving in to the terrorists, but we already are, letting them change our way of thinking, allowing ourselves to be come meaner, less tolerant and more easily manipulated by a government intent on taking away our freedoms.

It must be a pretty easy shift working for the Express. According to these almighty buffoons, everything that’s ever gone wrong in the UK is the fault of dirty foreigners, here first to take our money then to blow us up.

Equating all asylum seekers with suicide bombing is evil, plain and simple. Pernicious, deliberately misleading and designed to influence and nurture growing mean spirited attitudes within our country.

Asylum Seekers only want to come here in the first place because we tend towards tolerance, our police tend not to shoot people in the head and we tend to cherish our freedom.

Yet here we are, allowing the Government and the media to mug us out of the very freedom they claim to be protecting. Don't let them kid you on.

Fantasy League

Yes, It's that time of year again, when we all dust down our dreams of Fantasy League glory.

As I prepare to unfurl the virtual Championship flag on the opening day of the season, I invite you one and all to join Tom and I in some white hot footie action. You know you want it.

Click here to build your team and then join The Cheerybananaship from mini-league admin.

The password is ladies.

N.B The site doesn't work with all browsers, so use Explorer.

Firefly

On a whim and because it was cheap, I recently picked up the “Firefly” box set.

I was turned onto the fact that it might be a good show by it’s inclusion in a “Top 10 Cancelled TV Shows” article Tom put on “…pish” a good while ago, a list from which I’ve already gleaned gems like “The Tick”, “Sports Night” and “The Ben Stiller Show”.

So far, having seen 11 of the 14 broadcast episodes, this has to be the best show I’ve seen in a while.

I’m not a fan of sci-fi as a rule and while I can sit and watch Star Trek and the likes, they tend to be full of sweeping, clumsy social comment which I find pretty repetitious and boring.

Firefly is a different kettle of fish. Following the adventures of a salvage ship crew who tend to enjoy a wee money making caper, this is very obviously a “Space Western” with no strange aliens or lengthy dull bits about photons, particle accelerators or dylithium crystals.

It’s basically a really well written and performed show about a largely good natured misfit James Gang trying to make a buck and avoid conflict with the feds which reminded me by turns of Cowboy Beebop and “Alias Smith and Jones”.

A shame it was cancelled after just 14 shows.

Joss Whedon, who of course went on to score a huge hit with “Buffy…”, created the show and even wrote and sang the theme tune, Dennis Waterman style (Although they did get a pro in to re- record it), and there are also writing and production contributions by Ben Edlund, creator of “The Tick”.

And here's something I didn't know until just now. "Serenity" a movie based on the show directed by Joss Whedon and featuring the original cast (hurray!) will be released Sepetember 30th, so happy days.

FIFA 2005

For any gaming fans out there, I had a great time last night playing FIFA 2005 when I should have been writing. Bought on the cheap with Glue profits, I was hopeful it might be good, but have always really gone for the superior playability of the Pro Evolution series.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that EA have just about caught up in terms of gameplay and rip the Pro Evolution crew a new one in terms of glitz. Unlike its main competitor, this game has loads of fully licensed leagues from the Premiership to the Korean K-League, real players and stadium names, a fun jukebox and a vastly improved and really easy to use method of updating squads. It also has a career option, allowing you 15 years to become the worlds top player/manager.

I picked it up for £15, a real bargain. I’ll get to the writing, honest I will…

Glue is Back!

We're going to be back for more Glue, the venue was briefly the 13th Note again but this time YOMG is at Arta on Sunday the 25th of September as part of the Merchant City Festival. Only one night for this stint, so expect it to be bigger and better than last time (and the time before that.) If that means even more male nudity than before then so be it.

Tell all your pals as it's a much bigger venue than we've played so we'll have to work hard to fill it up. This show should bridge the gap from the sketch show to Yule Owe Me Glue the Pantomime coming at some point in December.

Welcome to the Surreal World

At last we get mentioned in The Daily Record. A life long dream for both of us. Here's a feature on Sabotage from today's paper.

Mexican Food and Rock 'n' Roll

After dinner at Driftwood, Jo and I went with Darran and Heather to see The Raveonettes at King Tuts. (Good to see Dazza with trousers on.) I think out of us all I was the only one who had really heard them previously.

Anyway I thought they were fantastic. They really rocked and even although they didn’t play Beat City they didn’t really have anything that was weak. Heartbreak Stroll, My Tornado, That Great Love Sound and Somewhere in Texas were among them.

Jo and Heather both really liked them, Darran claims he needs to hear ‘some studio stuff’ before committing and on the way out Alasdair, who was also there, told me he wasn’t that keen on them. Though he has now put that down to perhaps being too close to the speakers. But like I say for me they were terrific.

Although there were five people on stage I spent the whole gig craning my neck to see as much of Sharin Foo as possible. She is so much more of a Goddess in the flesh than in photographs.

Another Triumph

As you’ll have no doubt read on Tom’s post, this was a weekend of Glue, and has to be rated as another positive step. Two good audiences, although Sunday’s was better than Saturday’s, and we got good feedback on a number of fronts from broadening out what we write about to that thorny problem of what to give the audience when we’re away getting changed.

My favourite moments have to be Tom’s cracking “Bad News Strippers” sketch which brought the house down both nights, his vital goal-line clearance when my tash fell off last night and losing my shit when Dazza walked on in the pants. Despite the fact that I primarily wrote the sketch and had seen Darran in his outfit a couple of times, his nonchalant wink and “Awright mate?” knocked my composure aw away tae fuck.

The star of the show seems to have been Bertie, our jaded bunny rabbit kids TV favourite. Loads of folk listed him as their favourite character, which means my career in puppetry looks like being extended rightly or wrongly.

As Tom says, more Glue is tentatively planned for September and we’ll be once again looking at organising things better and getting all the glue crew more involved in what we get up to.

All in all, not a bad weekend considering these were our third and fourth gigs and I had a great time performing the stuff.

The Show's Over

Awright so those of you who weren’t there want to know how Glue 2 went. Well it went pretty well. We had more or less a full house on Saturday and although there was less on Sunday night they seemed to laugh more.

A couple of the audio sketches divided the audience on the first night so we replaced them for the Sunday. I enjoyed the Sunday night more although as Fizz rightly points out it was the most ramshackle performance yet.

A fake moustache fell off during one sketch, though that managed to add to the general hilarity and in the penultimate sketch Fizz had a Jimmy Fallon Moment and cracked up at Darran’s nonchalant but trouserless entrance into the sketch. The audience were all on side though so it didn’t really matter as they found it funny too.

On both nights we were approached about various projects, though early stages and all that so I’ll not go on about them just now. At the moment we’re looking at another show in September. I’ll update on exact details as and when we get them sorted.

The Publicity Drive

Another couple of pieces of Glue publicity on the eve of the first night. Over at Glasgow Theatre Underground we have a wee mention. And in the listings of today's Metro you can read 'Fraser Campbell and Tom Brogan's acclaimed show.' Very nice but unfortunately that is under the listings for this evening. They have us listed as Friday and Saturday and not Saturday and Sunday. Wonder if anyone will turn up looking for us tonight.

Very Special Guests

After rehearsals last night I headed to Mono to see Architecture in Helsinki. They were all right, multi instrumentalists, lots of trumpets, girly melodies and big beards.

I arrived too late to see Marceline’s mate’s band, but I did arrive in time to see the ‘Very Special Guests.’ They turned out to be Data Panik playing their first ever gig. For those who neither know nor care Data Panik used to be Bis.

They were quite good, very poppy. I resisted the urge to shout for the Power Puff Girls theme tune.

Here for your enjoyment are some blurry photographs.

The First Cheque

Yesterday we received in the mail our first professional writing contract and payment for the first 3 episodes of Sabotage. So far we have three sketches in two of the opening three shows.

I also have a CD of the first three shows, so if anyone missed them and really wanted to hear them they can have a copy.

EDIT: Fizz has listened to the CD and we actually have five sketches in the first three episodes. Museum of Surly, Chuck Rodgers Painter and Decorator, Conspiracy of Love, Hollistic Car Repairs and The Twinkle-Toed Detective.

It's Hot

It was 82°F in Glasgow yesterday (For the benefit of our non-Glasgow based readers…Ben mainly). It’s funny how any kind of extreme weather brings public transport here to its knees. Trains were off cos apparently the rails were melting. The buses were erratic and mobbed and when I went to use the Underground it was off too.

Whenever it’s too hot, too wet, too cold etc round here stuff tends not to work. If terrorists want to destroy Scotland all they have to do is gain control of the weather kind of like The Penguin or some other Batman villain might do.

Apparently it's 75 °F at the moment. I ain’t complaining. I’m heading to sit in Kelvingrove Park before rehearsals tonight.

Dig!

At the weekend I went to see Dig! It was quite entertaining, the juxtaposition of The Brian Jonestown Massacre’s complete inability to play the game with The Dandy Warhols’ ultimate crossover success through a Vodafone commercial made for interesting viewing.

What comes across most strongly is that BJM main man Anton Newcome is a complete and utter bam. From attacking members of his band midway through songs to wrecking industry shows from attempting to sabotage Dandy Warhols gigs to multiple arrests he comes across as one of the biggest ever fuck ups to become a musician.

Since seeing the film I’ve been reading the BJM website and in particular this statement by Anton Newcombe who insists that the film is a gross misrepresentation of him.

Glue Publicity

You may have noticed our entry in The List. You may not, so that's why I've put it on here. We really need to take total control of our own publicity. 'Surreal'? I wouldn't have described us as surreal. I also think it's a word that may put people off more than attract them.

I've also included the chalk advert that sits in Blackfriars' window. Two days of rehearsals in Blackfriars this weeekend, so hopefully many of the current fears will be lifted at the end of it.


The List listing.


Glue in Chalk.

Rock 'n' Roll for Free

Last night I went to see Brendan Benson at Virgin on Buchanan Street. I expected a short acoustic set, but what we were treated to was a 35 minute electric set with a full band. He played most of my favourites Feel Like Myself Again, Good to Me, Tiny Spark and Spit it Out as well as a good few more.

He made a slight faux pas by complaining about ‘these English summers.’ Predictably that was met by boos and groans. He did look embarrassed and repeatedly offered his apologies. ‘I knew as soon as I said it…’

A cracking little show that makes up for me missing him when he played The Arches in April.

Later on in the evening I saw Amina at Mono. Amina are an all girl group from Iceland who are supporting Sigur Ros tonight. They also accompany them. They played plinky plonky instrumentals and haunting strings. I got quite into it by the end of their performance.

The Big Sleep

This post is really just for Ben, as I know he’ll get a kick out of it. The photos were taken in the work car park around about three o’clock in the afternoon a few months ago.

What’s the Difference Between God or a Dog Talking to You?

Here’s Larry David’s latest blog on The Huffington Post. Some great stuff here on fruit, the army, pillows and President Bush.

London

You post one political blog and see what happens? I’ve not go too much to say on it than what you’re probably saying yourself. I would imagine Africa can kiss their aid goodbye. Work at our table has pretty much stopped and we've increased our already frequent web browsing.

To keep up with what’s going on I’ve found that the 7 July London Bombings page on Wikipedia is about the best place. They have links to other blogs, news and photo sites covering events.

What Billions?

We’ve not been very political on here for a while, but this was a news story that got the heckles up. $8.8bn of Iraq’s money set aside to rebuild the country has disappeared. That’s not to mention the billions of dollars that was dished out that Paul Bremer and the US authorities thought they didn’t have to account for. As you read on it looks more like the construction business Tony Soprano set up than the rebuilding of a country.

Here’s how they used to do things.

Some Photos

Here are some photos from the last couple of weeeks.






Here is Marceline and Uter on stage at Mono.


Marceline and Fraser.


And here's my name in chalk outside Blackfriars.

I'll try and put some photographs up on a regular basis now that I have a cameraphone with which to snap away.

A Tasty Heidfu

We’re still finishing off our CD Exchange here at work and I’m listening to Marceline’s kooky compilation. One of the songs reminds me of Ayrshire band Nyah Fearties. Anyone remember them? Have a look at their site. Their album titles include the title of this post, ‘The Good The Bad and The Alkies’ and ‘A Keech in a Poke.’

I’ve just been handed the recording of the Glue audio prior to sound effects being added so I’ll move onto that for a bit.

Did You Miss Sabotage Too?

Fizz and I missed Sabotage on Saturday, however our Mothers heard it and both appeared to like it. If like us you missed it, you can catch it on BBC’s Listen Again feature by clicking here.

The BBC Press Release mentions a couple of our sketches. Ours are the first two 'one off' sketches.

That Was Cold Blooded

Over the weekend I watched plenty of Chappelle’s Show season two, in fact almost all of it. It’s gold, pure comedy gold. From the now famous “I’m Rick James, bitch!” sketch to ‘When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong’ it’s class the whole way through.

The Rick James sketch comes from Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories. The link below provides some of the best quotes from the sketch, including my personal favourite, Charlie Murphy’s assessment of Rick James, "He was a habitual line-stepper.”

Audio Glue

We recorded the audio for the new Glue show at the weekend. The recording went well, with most sketches ‘in the can’ in only a take or two. There’s a good number more of them than there was last time and on this occasion they have been professionally rather than haphazardly recorded.

You Owe Me Glue flyers and posters should now be visible around some Merchant City establishments. There should also be some photographs from rehearsals up on the site in the next few days.