Glue Flickr Set

I've had a Flickr page for a while but never had anything on it. Not any more! I'm putting up all the You Owe Me Glue photographs there, from the first rehearsals through the show in March to the rehearsals for July and on to the current rehearsals. You get the picture, eh? Anyway if you want a look - and feel free to leave comments - the page is here. I'll be adding more later on.

I'm a Photographer Now

I now have a credit as a photographer, over on Uter’s Flickr set. There are also some photographs of them there that have been taken by proper cameras and photographers.

Resign Now Clarke

Just to add to Toms post, I too was saddened and incensed by the report which reveals the truth behind the murder of Jean Charles de Menezes.

And that’s just what it was. The brutal murder of an innocent man by incompetent, gung ho morons, obviously incapable of acting within the laws they are employed to enforced. More than that, they recklessly endangered a train full of members of the public by firing 11 shots, missing their target 3 times despite eye witness reports which place the murderer’s gun “12 inches” from the victims face.

This was state murder of an innocent man. Get your head round that. It is wholly unacceptable and those responsible must be brought to book, or we have lost the very freedom these despicable thugs were supposed to be protecting.

After describing his murdering underlings as heroes when he must have known the truth, Ian Blair must resign.

The men who carried out this murder must be tried.

And Charles Clarke, the home secretary responsible for the security crackdown which allowed this “shoot first think later/never” mentality to develop must also fall on his sword.

Of course, he won’t. Like all the new Labour cabinet, he is completely devoid of dignity, honour and a functioning sense of responsibility.

As I’ve mentioned before, a lot of rubbish has been talked recently about “not letting the terrorists win”. Well, they won this round. How many innocent members of the public were being murdered in cold blood by our police force before the bombings?

In murdering Jean Charles de Menezes, those responsible have not just disgraced themselves and our entire nation; they have also played directly into the hands of the scum they were supposed to be trying to capture.

Once again, our idiot authorities have attempted to achieve one result while actually achieving something more akin to the exact reverse.

Idiocy on that scale should only ever be rewarded with ignominy and dismissal at the very least.

So Then he Vaulted the Barrier, That's Right, Eh Lads?

I was intrigued/incensed by the information coming to light about the shooting of Jean Charles De Menezes. If you recall my previous post on the subject, I was dubious about the Police's version of events and certainly thought that they had blundered through idiocy and the desire for some of that Hero Pussy.

According to what's now been leaked out, the Police were gung-ho idiots of the highest order. De Menezes simply left a house the Police rightly or wrongly had under surveillance, the guy who should have had him on tape and able to identify him was in the toilet.

The hero cops, remember that, heroes mind we got told that at the time? The hero cops were ordered to stop him from entering the train station. They didn't. He didn't vault the barrier but accessed it with his travelcard as his family had said. Even picked up a Metro. Mind how he had that big jacket on that "might have contained a bomb"? Turns out it was a denim jacket. Mind all that talk about how he rubber eared the Police's clear instructions to surrender? Seems now that they didn't give any.

When he got on the train it appears that he was apprehended by an officer who pinned his arms to his sides. His hero colleague then shot him 7 times in the head, once in the shoulder and now it appears they even managed to miss 3 times.

Aye, heroes protecting the community, not glory hunting idiots creating a disaster out of fuck all. Then spinning a story to cover their arses. The modern day equivalent of framing a load of Irish folk. I hope that buffoon Sir Ian Blair has the decency to resign after defending the Keystone Cops with firearms.

The First (Bus) Rule of Fight Club

The main reason I was late for work this morning was because during the driver’s second five minute break in order to read his paper, one of the other passengers decided to threaten him in a bid to get him to start the bus moving.

"Whit the fuck are you daein? Get this bus moving!"
"I'm ahead of schedule."
"Fucking get this bus started!"

This reached its crescendo when the guy slammed the driver’s cab door off the driver’s head.

“You’ve just hit me on the head with the door! There wis nae need fur that!”
“Fucking get this bus moving!”
“Watch your language.”
“Just move the bus.”
“You’ll be going off.”
“I’m late for work now!”
“Well I’m on schedule!”

And so on for a few minutes while another bus passed us. The driver then steadfastly refused to drive off cos then of course he would have looked like a pussy. Is there no end to the First Bus Fight Club?

"I'm Still the Same Sarcastic Bastard"

Here's an interview with Ben Folds in the Toronto Metro, where he discusses the songs off Songs For Silverman and his relationship with William Shatner.

And here's a review or two of the show he was promoting.

Here's another interview this time with Centre Daily Times.

And finally an interview with Toronto Eye.

Lost

I have now watched the first two episodes of Lost. Tommy, having seen the whole series already is a huge fan. I thought it was okay and I'll keep watching, but with some apprehension.

If you've not seen it yet, the plot appears to be that a plane load of beautiful people have crashed on a remote island. There's a fat guy and an old guy that somehow sneaked onto the plane, spoiling the young and gorgeous passenger demographic. The plane also managed to allow just the right number of racial minorities on before take off too.

My apprehension is mainly the thought that with so many characters and on an island that seems pretty mad so far, the goalposts will be routinely moved, revelations about characters will come along week after week and it'll mutate from drama to soap opera by the end of the series.

I will have my eyes peeled for the Teri from 24 amnesia moment.

Another Trip to Edinburgh

Since the days to my ‘holiday’ were dwindling I went back thru to Edinburgh yesterday to catch some more stuff. First up I went to see another sketch show The Monkey Butlers. ‘It is not awful’ ran yesterday’s 2 star review in The Scotsman and I pretty much have to agree with that.

The sketches showed little or no inspiration and there were too many ‘runners’ when the premise wasn’t interesting enough to hold it up for one sketch let alone three. They really did seem as if they were a student review, but since they’re all well past university age, I would have expected something a bit more substantial.

The acting was good though, Hal Cruttenden in particular was excellent. The only thing I really laughed at was his spot on impersonation of Tony Blair as a cannibal, though a lot of his mannerisms were a little like Blair’s and he does have the look of a chubbier version.

After that I took lunch in Bonsai the Japanese restaurant around the corner from the Pleasance. Not bad, portions a bit small of course, Diet Coke though was flat.

Then I saw ventriloquist David Strassman. He’s been performing for over 25 years and began playing the comedy clubs of New York at the same time as Jerry Seinfeld. Probably the main reason I thought he’d be funny is that earlier this year I made my way thru three DVD seasons of 70s sitcom Soap. On that Chuck and Bob – a deranged ventriloquist and his puppet – routinely made me howl with laughter. So I thought Strassman would have a chance of doing the same.

And he did. Some of his jokes were weak, but his talents are awesome and when he was funny, he was tears down the cheeks funny. My two favourites of the number of characters he brings on were Ted E. Bare and Sidney Beaverman, a beaver who is an aspiring comedian. The 50-year-old guy in front of me shouted and cheered like a 4-year-old when Ted E. Bare appeared.

Probably the best bits of the show were when he made a mistake, tripped over a line or wasn’t quick enough to the next line. In every instance his puppets would immediately mock him for his errors. I enjoyed him so much I even bought his DVD, which also made me laugh quite a bit.

In addition I bought Eugene Mirman’s CD ‘The Absurd Nightclub Comedy of...’ Eugene Mirman is playing at the Underbelly. On the strength of the CD I may go and see him, but there were more funny ideas than laugh out loud moments.

In Clod We Trust...

At work, we’ve just had a complaint through from an American about our shitty standards of service. Nothing new there, but the hilarious thing about the complaint is that he tried to guilt whoever was reading into action by claiming that, as Britons, we should “treat him with more honour” due to:

“…the number of American lives that were spent to keep you free and the amount we spend on your daily defence.”

So that must answer a few questions for you.

Can you imagine the arrogance of a person who refers to WWII in terms of the number of American lives lost? America never experienced the Blitz and never had an entire Nazi army 20 odd miles from the border. What about the Russians, who lost millions and oh, eh, the fucking JEWS YOU CRETIN!!!!!

He of course also refers to our current folly in Iraq, an action most Britons oppose and an action that puts the lives of everyone in this country at risk from revenge bombings by Islamist nutjobs.

Plus he also seems to believe that we don’t pay taxes and that America funds our defences. Defences he/we wouldn’t need to fork out on if AMERICA STOPPED TAKING US TO FUCKING WAR UNNECESSARILY!!!!!!

So here we have your stereotypical yank, who has never even considered that Britons don’t agree with him or American foreign policy and hey, that we just plain might not like what America is playing at and who also feels that everyone else in the world personally owes him a debt of “honour” because his country throws cash around so it can tell everyone what to do.

There's nothing quite like an arrogant fool to get the blood going. I hope he sues and loses his shirt.

DVD Watching

Despite the fact I’m supposed to be working on writing the new You Owe Me Glue show at the moment, I thought I’d take some time out to tell you about some recent DVD viewing.

In order to get some inspiration and indeed just for some general enjoyment I’ve been watching Season 1 of The Kids in the Hall. Despite being stung by customs for an additional 9 quid to have it delivered from Canada, I’ve enjoyed it immensely. Even although there are some sketches that just plain don’t seem to have a joke in them, their stuff is inspired, well acted and well written. The Season 1 DVD consists of a documentary on their beginnings and a half hour of live footage from their early days, which I found interesting and in the case of ‘The Time I Fucked Jim Hendrix’ and ‘Dog Office’ very funny.

The Kids never had trouble, like we do, of writing for women, cos they’d just dress up in drag and play the women themselves.

I said at the time we presented it that our ‘My Two Gay Dads’ sketch from the last YOMG could easliy have been done already by Kids in the Hall. I still stand by that, even although I wasn’t watching them at the time it was written. Of course I may also have just found a back handed way to compare us to genuine talents.

My next suggestion for DVD viewing is not from the comedy genre. I’m just about to wrap up Season 1 of The Wire. Most folk I’ve spoken to about this haven’t heard of it, mainly cos it was only ever on F/X over here.

To provide a brief outline, it’s a cop show, employing much more subtle detective work and surveillance techniques than contemporaries like The Shield. With a ragtag task force Jimmy McNulty, hated by his superiors, has to build a workable case against untouchable player Avon Barksdale.

I can’t recall a show that builds the way The Wire does. Each episode manages to top the last. I’m already bracing myself to take another hit from customs to order Season 2 on Region One.

League Countdown

With the Premiership season just about ready to kick off there's only a few days left to join The Cheerybananaship (well actually you can join it whenever, but to get the maximum out of your team, only a day left).

Come on Talking Pish readership, all 6 of you, get joining this league, cos we're gonnie write about it all season or until we got bored with it, so it'll be more interesting for you if you're in it.

Remember, the password is 'ladies'.

More from the Fest

To start off with we went to see Danny Bhoy at the Assembly Rooms. Jo’s been wanting to see him for ages, mainly cos he was in her tutorial class at university. It took me a while to warm up to him, but he got funnier and funnier as his set wore on. His show explored Scottishness. The Scottish diet, thistles and bagpipes. It’s funnier than it sounds believe me. He managed to be funny covering even the most basic of themes, like the Scottish reaction to last orders. “Shut it, you’re having two.”

After that we went for dinner on Hanover Street. Jo was impressed by the amount of choice on this one street. We eventually plumped for La Rusticana. After showing her the charms of The Phoenix on Broughton Street we headed up to The Stand.

It was no surprise to me but Daniel Kitson is still the funniest thing at the Edinburgh Festival. This year his show was a response to a review he received in Australia that termed him ‘a misogynistic little bully.’ It centered on his childhood friend Sam and the fact that Sam shaped him as an adult.

The funniest bits for me included Dan asking “When you’re doing something good for someone, you wish that other people could find out about it, without you having to tell them.” His routine on eating at a Chinese restaurant – going from shoveling down course after course to demanding any remaining food be removed from your vision less you be sick was inspired. He even had a bit on his love for Ben Folds and his horror that someone he thought a dick saw him with a Ben Folds T-shirt on and came over to speak to him.

He played for about an hour and three-quarters and apart from one bit about hotels did a different set from the 3 hour show I saw in Glasgow in March. He’s without doubt the most consistently funny comedian I’ve seen.

From here we went to Late ‘N’ Live at the Gilded Balloon. This was slightly disappointing. We missed the opening act but got there in time for Ed Byrne. I’ve never really been a big fan of his but I found him hilarious here. His routine on a Glasgow drunk threatening a kebab shop owner in Dublin was brilliant. He was followed by Jason Byrne who again I’ve never been a fan of and this performance didn’t change that for me. He closed by having Ed Byrne return and throw himself over some chairs, such is the crazy spirit of Late N Live.

Compere Phil Nichol then came on to do a cover of Violent Femmes’ Blister in the Sun with the band for the evening Rock Bros. I suggested that they were a department store who dealt only in rock related products. “Haberdashery, no madam, first floor plectrums, drumsticks and sweatbands.’

Anyway they rocked the night away as we adjourned to the bar. And at 5am that was about the end of the night for us. All that was left to do was attempt to find somewhere that sold a bacon roll. We did but about three hours later back in Glasgow.

Scotsport – Still Unbelievable

A lot of fans have it in for STVs notorious “football” show, Scotsport SPL.

Given that it’s still by far and away the worst football highlights programme that ever existed, the fans currently organising petitions against the programme have rather more than a point.

Last nights show was another incredible example of how not to make TV.
Forget the fact that, with the audience in some kind of smoking lounge, Jim Delahunt and his “panel” seem to be in some kind of quarantine, forget the always excruciating “talk to the fans, but not about anything controversial, oh no” bit, forget their “dream ticket” competition, offering the prize of seeing Arsenal v Chelsea, a match that has absolutely fuck all to do with their show.

One thing alone stood out for me.

What the fuck is up with Bill Leckie’s hair?

Here we have a man in at least his late 40s wearing not only the haircut but what actually appears to be the hair of an 18 year old. Who the motherfuck are you trying to kid with that Bill?

I had to phone up Tom and get him to watch to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. Believe me, the screenshot I’ve posted here does not do him justice.

Marry that to Archie McPherson’s admission that he couldn’t pronounce Shunsuke Nakamura’s name (aren’t you eh, a commentator Archie? Is being able to say the names of the players you’re describing to us not eh, part of your job?) and that daft Sarah O lassie’s insane perma-grin and you have a truly remarkable audio-visual dogs breakfast, bound to go down in the annals of television history as the most inept sports programme ever conceived.

The funny thing is I don’t know if I want it off the air. Sure, it’s dreadful and I would really like a Scottish football show that actually showed some football, but I haven’t laughed as hard in a long time as I did last night. Just ask Tom.

The First Rule of Fight Club

There were some hilarious antics on the 62 last night. It's not uncommon for rows to develop up the back of any bus I tend to be on. Generally after about 9pm there's at least one bam on any bus you get on in town. However last night I could just feel that the bitter dispute over fuck all was going to turn nasty. I was not disappointed.

The row was between two pissed up neds, one your typical shellsuit, baseball cap and Celtic top, the other a bigger guy in a T-shirt. There was a guy in a tracksuit with a a brilliant second prize across his face, who was loudly trying to mediate.

Anyway after a few minor scuffles that the lad with the mars bar adverted it all kicked off. The boy in the shellsuit, having had enough lip off the other lad, stood up, pulled his shellsuit trousers down to his ankles and ordered him to "suck my dick." At which point the bigger guy punched him round the head. A scuffle ensued and they traded a few blows, though Shellsuit had to resort to spitting. As the rest of the bus shouted "Get off the bus" they made their way down the passageway off the bus, with the bigger guy landing a few punches and headbutts as they went.

Now the passageway on the bus is quite narrow, so the obvious disadvantage one of them had, in that he had his trousers at his ankles, was not apparent until they got onto the street. As they got off the bus Shellsuit tried to pull his trousers up, only to be kicked up the arse and bounced off a shutter. He then made a second attempt only to be clattered into the bus shelter.

By this point Shellsuit decided to stop trying to pull his strides up and just make a run for it. With his trousers still at his ankles he attempted to bomb down the street. Of course he didn't get very far before being clobbered again. Unphased he resumed his comedy dash down the street, only to be very quickly caught and thumped. This routine continued for as far back as I could see from the bus window. It was as if they were acting out an Irvine Welsh adaptation of a Brian Rix style farce.

So remember the first rule of Fight Club - Never start a fight with your breeks at your ankles. It might not have been clearly set out in the guidelines but in Fight Club - Trousers are Compulsory.

The Comedy Cavern

Last night I played Blackfriars again. It went all right. Nothing special really. I probably should spend more time writing new stuff and stretching my bit out for longer. I was on with Kevin Bridges and New Zealander Sully O' Sullivan. Kevin, it turns out, goes to the football on the same supporters' bus as my brother. He's also in the semi-finals of So You Think You're Funny at the Edinburgh Festival.

The posters for You Owe Me Glue 2 still adorn the walls downstairs in Blackfriars and none of them have so far been defaced. Scroll down this page and you can see the listing for the new Glue show.

You may also notice, as I did, that we are the 8pm appetiser for the 10pm show - Celebrity Comedy Covers. Six of Scotland's top comedians pay tribute to their favourite comedy acts by appearing on stage as their Comedy Idols. Including Chick Murray, Richard Pryor and Dave Allen.

The Start of the Festival

With the Edinburgh Festival having kicked off, Jo and I wasted no time in heading through. The first thing we went to see yesterday was The Reduced Shakespeare Company, who this year were doing the abridged version of the big Hollywood movies. With only three in the cast, playing a variety of roles, there was a lot of energy and plenty crammed in, from silent movies to Ewan McGregor. Although there were a few laughs in the show, it struck me that if it were trimmed to a tight 60 minutes it would have been more entertaining. It didn’t really get going until about the last half hour.

We were then joined by Iain and after lunch we were offered two sets of free tickets, one for a play about squatters and ‘their landlord David Bowie’, which put me off immediately. The second batch of freebies was what we plumped for, Cowards, a sketch show. I had wanted to see at least one sketch show this festival, if only to come out of it going ‘pish, we’re better than that.’ However this was really good. The four guys were very tight, had no costumes and minimal props. There were no characters or potential catchphrases most of the situations were a bit surreal but the conversations between the characters were real. They all felt natural and sometimes captured perfectly the awkwardness of speaking to people you don’t really know that well. Their sketches included preparing for the arrival of the Queen, being stuck up a tree, extreme views on Sir Steven Redgrave and tackling a raging fire all on your own. I heartily recommend going to see them.

Where they differed from YOMG were, I felt they were tighter, that the material struck me as being devised from improv and they weren’t reliant on costumes. I could always tell what era or what situation they were supposed to be in from straight off, without any visual aids. They probably also benefit from working with a director. The best YOMG have as a director is me.

After Iain left to partake of his latest hobby - lawn green bowls (?!) we went to see Richard Herring – Someone Likes Yoghurt. I went to see him last year in his themed show, this time he was doing a more straightforward stand-up set. I probably laughed more throughout this show, but I think I enjoyed last year’s show more. His set covered topics like Rudyard Kipling, the absurdity of the Magpie song, the hypocrisy of the Catholic church and his perceived love of yoghurts. My favourite line was probably his suggestion that “Jesus was much cooler than the folk he hung around with...kind of like The Fonz.” If you have a look at the above link you'll see that he feels as an audience we were 'reserved.' The guy he talks about was sitting in front of me, and nah he didn't seem to enjoy it that much.

We then walked up to The Gilded Balloon to see David O’Doherty who was brilliant. He has a very chatty style. His show revolved around his family and his battles with his namesake the mathematician David O’Doherty. It all centered around which one of them was number one on Google. The mathematician, disgruntled that the comedian had purchased thedavidodoherty.com domain name, proclaimed himself ‘the official David O’ Doherty.’ The comedian then got people at his gigs to e-mail the mathematician. The mathematician then phoned the comedian and replied to his fans with his phone number and address. Have a look at the ‘official’ David O’Doherty’s take on the crazy situation.

The only thing after that I have to recommend is supper at Favorit. We both had chicken salads and excellent they were too. We have more shows booked for Wednesday.

Glue Change

In News Just In the venue and date for You Owe Me Glue in September has been changed. We're now on at Blackfriars on Friday the 23rd of September. Incidentally the reason we've been bumped is that Rod Stewart has booked Arta that night for a party. We're waiting to see if YOMG will get an invite.

Chappelle's Show Over

I hope this isn't one of Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories cos this is bad news. There's a bit more detail here.

You Owe Me Glue on DVD

Some of you may be interested to know that the DVD of the first performance of You Owe Me Glue is now (just about) available. If you were there that Tuesday night in March you can now hear yourself giggle at our antics. If you were the bald guy sitting in the front row, you can now see the back of your head. And if you weren't there, you can see the 'not as good as the second night' performance from that first run.

To whet your appetite for the DVD have a look at some of the stills below.

Uter Photos

OK, since I'm on holiday you'll be expecting lots of exciting posts and photographs from me, eh? Aye mibbie not. Anyway to kick off with I went to see Uter last night at The 13th Note's End of the Month Club. There are some blurry photographs below. Though Marceline and the Uter gang seem to prefer their photographs blurry, just so long as the fairy lights are in shot.