Friday, 8 June 2007

Vice Cops

Yesterday afternoon I thought I would indulge in one of my rights as an unemployed person. That is to sit in the park and drink. So I bought myself a few bottles of fancy lager from a shop on Great Western Road and headed for Kelvingrove Park.

I picked a nice spot, sparked my drink and opened up my book. Then I heard the distant sound of piss hitting a tree and noticed that in amongst the seas of trust fund hippies, Emo kids and English students I had managed to sit alongside a team of bare-chested Buckfast drinkers.

So I packed up my book and moved along to a quieter spot, opened beer still in hand. As I walked past some sunbathers I heard a couple of voices shouting out.

“You can’t drink here.”

“No alcohol.”

I looked round to see two guys in their late thirties, with sagging faces that clearly showed drinking in the park was no day off for them. One had a can of Tennent’s in his paw, the other grasped a bottle of Buckie.

“No bother guys,” I replied, showing them I was in on the joke. “Thanks for keeping me right.”

“We’re only joking,” one of them shot back. Obviously in his head his jakey voice sounded like one of reason and authority.

I walked on a good distance away from my fellow bevviers, sat down and got back to reading. Ten minutes or so later I noticed a Police patrol car coming round the park. They parked up and a policeman and WPC got out. Perhaps remembering the sage council from my two new buddies, I drained my drink and stuffed the empty in a plastic bag.

The two police made a beeline straight for my two hard drinking pals. They then proceeded to pat them down, check their ID and quiz them for the following ten minutes. Ah, taste the delicious irony thought I.

Now I don’t know if the police just generally do spot checks on the city’s many parks for people having a drink when the weather’s good, but if they did just decide to pull up two people randomly they’re the two folk I would have chosen. They then went on to quiz the bare-chested Buckie boys.

Remember folks, drinking outdoors can be dangerous.

1 comment:

Katie said...

I understand why the cops don't want certain people drinking in the park, but it's a shame that you can't enjoy a nice beer outside on a warm summer day.