Cheery Bananas Gold: Championship Worthless Loser

Back in the early days when Fraser was introduced to Championship Manager it was widely predicted that he would ‘never write another word again.’ How wrong we all were when the game inspired him to knock out this nugget of Cheery B Gold.

Premier Managers Get Game
Computer software designers Eidos, makers of popular football management game “Championship Manager”, have begun designing a game for real Premier League managers to play themselves.

“Championship Worthless Loser” will give the likes of Martin O’Neill and Dick Advocaat the chance to experience life as the kind of useless tosser who spends every spare minute he has sitting at a computer pretending to be in charge of a major football club.

While fans of the popular sports game can transfer players, take training and oversee match performance, the new game will include options like “Go To My Rubbish Job”, “Wank Off To Porn” and “Cry”.

Testing the new game is Hibernian Manager Alex McLeish:
“It’s absolutely fantastic. They’ve thought of everything. Take the other day for example. I spent the day taking my in-form side through a jovial training session, which was fine, but you need to unwind afterwards, don’t you?

I rushed home, cranked up the computer game and found to my delight that I had been given an official warning at work because of my attitude problem. I simply chose the “ Drink To Kill The Pain” option and was fired the next day for turning up hung-over! After training tomorrow I’m going to have to “Explain Actions To Furious Wife”. It’s brilliant.”

Aberdeen’s Ebbe Skovdal agrees: “You can choose from a number of career options like “Call-Centre”, “Biscuit Factory” and “Unemployed”. Currently, I’m “Casual Part Time At The Royal Mail” whilst trying to  “Realise Rapidly Diminishing Potential” in my spare time.  

It was all going fine until I accidentally chose the “Accept Phone Call From Disappointed Parents” option.

Now I have to choose between “Apply For Soul Destroying Full Time Job” or  “ Turn To Heroin”. It’s terrific fun.”
The game is expected to be released in time for next year’s winter break with the first fifty lucky customers set to receive a bonus CD, “50 Great Songs About Failure”.