Cheery Bananas Gold: The War

Around four years ago you may remember a wee bit of bother between some terrorists, the US and Afghanistan. Cheery Bananas responded to the situation with laughs and plenty of them. Today's Cheery Bananas Gold is a selection of our war articles.

Here’s One to Keep the Home Fires Burning For, eh Girls (and Gay Lads)?
Sadly, Soldier X’s name is classified as is his unit, his rank and his “vital statistics” - sorry girls (and gay lads)!

However, It hasn’t stopped the burly hunk from starring in “Special Forces Bloopers!” a fantastic new out-takes video featuring all those hilarious botched US Special Forces operations you’ve heard about but never believed were really true, including outrageous footage of “Operation Restore Hope” in Somalia which left 10,000 people dead*! “It’s all in there,” our six packed stunner told us, “The whole thing was a lot of fun to make.”

Well, all we can say is if we were going to be slaughtered by soldiers from a brutal foreign army, we would want the “payload” delivered by you Soldier X, right girls (and gay lads)?

* CIA Estimate

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US Fly-Boy Disciplined After “Cock Bombing”

US Airforce pilot Nance Durggen was yesterday relieved of his command of a US $6BN Stealth Bomber after he admitted to bombing the shape of a “spunking cock” on a military target in Kandahar, Afghanistan.

“I was just so damn angry,” said Captain Durggen (44). “That, whatistname, Bin Ladder guy, put a blight on my country and I wanted to do the same to his, really rub his face in it, and this...this seemed the best way”.

Psychiatric help will be offered to the airman after it emerged that this was not the first time he had used the image of a climaxing phallus to express his rage. “He spray-painted a “thingie” on the front door of my house when he found out I was fooling around.” claimed former girlfriend Yasmin Munch. “ I thought little of it at this time and now this. Who would have thought?”
Durggan’s Commanding officer Colonel Flip Dipper admitted he felt partially responsible for the incident. “I suppose I should have noticed that there was something wrong with Nance when he kept suggesting that we change the nickname of his squadron to “The Spunking Cocks”, expressed a desire to be known within the squadron as “Spunking Cock” and repeatedly defaced his airbase with crude drawings of a spunking cock. I thought it was all high spirits but looking back, I guess I just misread the signs.”

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Nation’s Doom-Saying Cranks Bask In New Found Respect

Britain’s top bookmakers have slashed the odds of evil prevailing over good, with evil now a strong favourite to triumph in the eternal battle for the soul of humankind. Both William Hill and Ladbrokes have installed evil, regarded as a dark-horse outsider until the world recently went mental, as favourite after it emerged that Osama Bin Laden may have access to nuclear and chemical weapons.

Cheeky Little Flutter on Evil
“Things may be looking black for mankind,” Tipster Hugh Stovvies told us, “But a cheeky little flutter on evil could make it a great day for your adventurous punter.” Meanwhile Britain’s thousands of doom-saying cranks are reporting a marked downturn in being spat on and laughed at since it emerged that US terrorist target Bin Laden may have a nuclear capability.

With a nuclear holocaust looking increasingly likely, sandwich board wearing “end of the world is nigh” nut-jobs are basking in the grudging respect of people now convinced that they were right all along.

“I used to laugh in the face of people who would tell me my unclean soul was going to hell if I didn’t repent,” said office manager Jemima Trugwad. “Now I’m gathering as many leaflets as possible about how Jesus can save me before we’re all killed and it’s too late.” Deranged homeless loon Frank Pie has been babbling fire and brimstone nonsense outside his local Safeway for twenty years and is delighted he’s finally being listened to. “I’m not one to say I told you so…” he laughed, before threatening to stab us for “looking funny” at the tinfoil helmet he used “...to communicate with the Almighty” .