Monday 18 December 2006

Why? I Mean Really, Why?


Did anyone observe the pointless tragedy that was “Born Equal” last night?

I tuned in, conned into the notion that I might get some decent adult drama, instead, I got what can only be described as one of the most clichéd and poorly written things I’ve ever seen on TV.

It was astonishing tripe.

Here’s a list of characters and their chief characteristics.

The ex-con Scotsman – nice at heart, but just can’t control the volcanic violence within him.

The Homeless Pregnant Lassie – this lassie can’t cope because her man (who appeared to be Ray Winstone judging by the voice on the phone) is battering her and her wean. She’s not the brightest though, so ends up losing her oldest to care and well, you know what’s going to happen to the baby, eh? A shame, but that’s what happens to thick poor folk.

The Black Folk Who Steal - They’re not evil of course, just thieves, driven by desperation.

The Rich Guy Who Cares – a rich guy gets the jitters about becoming a Dad, and starts ladling out cash to the homeless. When things get a bit tough though, he runs back to his oblivious twit wife and mumbles pish about “making a mistake” while greetin’.

That’s your main cast – of course there are other horribly two dimesional character in there, the wise jackey, the cruelly efficient social worker etc, but that’s your main whack.

So there you have it, the poor are dafties and have horrible lives (isn’t it a shame?), Scots are violent, black folk steal (but only because they sort of have to) and rich folk are either oblivious, thick or don’t have the guts to get their hands dirty.

I’d like to add another character at this point; that of an overweight TV fan who finds his time has been wasted by patronising crap written by a middle-class tosspot with nary a clue.

The point of this unnecessarily bleak tosh please?

It’s about time to knock pointlessly grim rubbish like this on the head, especially when it turns out like a 5th year play based on “Crash”.

I’m all for “hard hitting drama”, but “Born Equal” should be held up as a textbook example of how not to write it.

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