Mullet Over!

What the hell is going on? Is anyone else left as I am, gasping in disbelief?
Can it be true? Is the Mullet really back? It's trendy now? When the fuck was that decided? What utterly wrong disaster from the past are they going to bring back next, Thalidomide ?
You now can't move in Glasgow for legions of fashion conscious look-at-me trend slaves walking around with their Chemical Underground record bags sporting some sort of spruced up revival version of the worst haircut ever invented.
What these draining West End bozos don't seem to realise is that it doesn't matter how many highlights you get,or how much Sasha's in Newton Means charged you for it, it's a mullet and mullets are for twats.
Why? Well, they look ridiculous for a start.
Getting a mullet is essentially the same as getting a car out of a chop shop. It's like driving out of the showroom with the front end of a micra welded to the back end of a transit van. In both cases, a slapdash charlatan has charged you over the odds for something ugly and dangerous.
But the main reason I hate mullets it's that it's a compromise haircut. It's a "computer programmer by day, rocker by night" haircut. An "I work hard but still know how to party" haircut, a haircut for people who are neither one thing or another.
There is one good thing about Mullets though, they let you know someone is a goon straight away. No wasting a few minutes discerning whether or not someone is a tit by having to talk to them, the mullet serves as a beacon of idiocy that can act as a real timesaver.
I genuinely wouldn't let someone with a mullet watch my wean. I feel separated almost by species from someone who thinks it ok to have a travesty on their head.
As for the new breed of "trendy" mullet wearer's, if you're ever searching for a reason for the holocaust there's your answer, silly wee sheep who'll go for anything as long as someone tells them doing it is cool. They'd be wearing lederhosen and rubber gloves on their heads if GQ told them to.