Thursday, 16 December 2004

How To Go From "Dull" To "Wankstain" In One Simple Blog...

This is from the blog of one of Britain hardest working comedians Ashley Frieze. His blog is usually boring, but this entry as well as being stupid and disappointing (‘cos he’s actually quite funny), it’s also a perfect example of the delusional construct within which most of us are expected to work every day.

“I see it as important for everyone in the team to get on and will do my best to keep people cheery and talking. I don't want to pander to people's sensitivities; I also don't intend to ignore them. The goals of the team are collective goals. Every individual member is important, but it's selfish for any individual to make their feelings an issue for the team. It's also a poor team that steams ahead and crushes anyone (member or otherwise) in its way.

Management is a tough job. Keeping people happy is too hard and is not a management goal. It is, in my opinion, rather cowardly management that seeks always to have buy in and happy campers (ooh, there's that "camp" thing again). Management is about leadership, knowing when to dictate and when to impel. Management is about facing problems, not sweeping them under the carpet, or hoping they'll go away in the end. Management is about facing down individuals and protecting the team.”

It’s about time we knocked this “team” shit on the fucking head is it not?

A “team” is only a “team” when every member shares in the rewards of success. That’s not the case in the vast majority of British firms. At most firms “teams” exist to create a false sense of competition between employees in order to generate higher productivity for which the employees derive no real reward. A warm beer and a slice of pizza on a Friday is generally considered ample.

The “team” concept has another function of course, to make people who are unhappy within the “team” feel they are letting the side down if they complain about their, jobs, wages etc. Management use this false concept of reality not only to gain higher productivity without expenditure but to oppress and vilify any employee who dares question their overly regimented and constructed office lives.

In short, the moaning “team” member lives in actual reality, where he or she is struggling to pay the bills, exhausted by workload and pissed off by the corporate bullshit surrounding the job.

The manager lives in a delusional self constructed fantasy wherein all an employees genuine concerns about their wages etc are secondary to the fake concept of the “team”, a construct as much designed by company owners to oppress and exploit those in middle-management as well as the employees they pitifully attempt to lord it over.

In my experience, the only difference between a manager and a pleb in the British office environment is that the manager has swallowed a whole lot of fairly transparent bullshit, either because he or she is a moron, or they have no ambition beyond climbing the corporate ladder.

Since Ashley obviously has comedic ambitions away from the office, you have to assume he’s just a fucking idiot.

Your average pleb who wants to stay a pleb, and there are millions of us, can’t quite get used to the taste of corporate cock, and we really do wish these middle-management fannies would stop trying to think of ways to justify themselves and leave us alone. Who knows, they could even pitch in and do some actual work. Just a thought.

Ashley goes on at some length on the subject of what “…management is about”.
It seems fairly obvious reading between the lines that someone in his “team” has had a go at him and he’s trying to parlay his hurt feelings into something he can draw comfort from. Who cares if no-one likes me, I’m a good manager.

It’s important to remember though that what “…management is about” really is doing rich people's dirty work for them. Managers are worthless shills, pure and simple.

It may transpire that Tom and I will have to do some business with this clown during the course of the comedy festival and I will not be looking forward to meeting him. There are more than enough totals pricks in my life as it is (myself not least amongst them).

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