Thursday, 25 May 2006

The 6th of June 2006 – Anti-Christmas

It will soon be the 6th of the 6th of the 6th, a perfect day to proclaim the coming of the Anti-Christmas. While several heavy metal bands and the marketing bods behind the new “Omen” picture try to use this un-sacred day to sell you stuff, those among us with a little of the devil in them will be anxious to hear the required traditions of the non-holiday that un-comes but once a century.

On Anti-Christmas eve, Mother Anti-Christmas comes and takes toys away from good children.

Bad children will be rewarded.

We are each required to send the Queen a personal video message.

Instead of taking a tree and putting it in your window, you will take a window and stick it up a tree. Alternatively, you can erect your tree upside down, suffocating the angel.

Instead of carollers coming round to people’s houses and singing songs, ordinary people will turn up on the doorsteps of carollers and refuse to do anything whatsoever.

Families will go to great lengths to be apart, sometimes flying thousands of miles. They will then engage in a process of returning items not even given to them by other family members.

The spirit of the season will be bad will to all men.

Anti Christmas dinner is a Pepperami and a coke.

Anti Christmas television will be virtually the same slop bucket of crap you get at Christmas. Evil.

Any other suggestions? This is your holiday too you know…

No comments: